Uff. How bad was “Mandalorian 3”?

The final of “The Mandalorian (Season 3)” It’s been 10 days now and I’m threatening to look like old Fasnacht. But a full 10 days after the last episode, my outrage still hasn’t abated. Or rather my horror. That finale… oh no, the whole season: What the hell was that?

This horror is all the greater because the first two seasons of “The Mandalorian” were among the best the “Star Wars” universe has produced to date. The first season was particularly exciting: here was a carefully prepared storyline that worked on several levels. The liberal use of Sergio Leone and Akira Kurosawa seemed less like plagiarism than an outright declaration of love for the work of these filmmakers. “The Mandalorian”: A spaghetti western set in a galaxy far, far away. At best.

You could more or less maintain this level of quality for two seasons. Suspenseful plot, believable characters and epic quality cinematography.

And then “Andor” came along and raised the bar. Here we get conflicting, insecure, deeply human and therefore understandable film characters, in whose success or failure the viewer is emotionally involved. The transformation of anyone uninterested in politics into a committed revolutionary is more understandable than the vague concepts of “providence” and the magical powers of a religious elite, which represent the thematic threads in the Skywalker sagas.

And yes, maybe because “Andor” was so damn good, it worked everything else compared somewhat… youthful.

Which in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. “The Mandalorian” always wanted to serve a multi-generational audience. My then 11-year-old daughter was certainly less interested in the underlying themes of fatherhood or trauma processing than she was in the first season baby jodabecause that was so cute.

I suspect that the same thing happened with “Mandalorian 3” as in 1983 in the run-up to “Return of the Jedi”: market research had shown that mainly children are responsible for the large sales figures. Ergo: more scenes with funny droids and cuties Vietcong teddy bears Ewoks and the like. Similarly, in “Mandalorian 3” we have R5-D4 and the rolling suitcase droids, pterosaur babies, the mini-mechanical aliens and – again and again – Grogu.

Grogu does fun looping jumps that look SO BAD. And yes, I’m aware that choosing puppets and old-fashioned stop-motion cinematography for Grogu was the director’s choice, rather than CGI… but gosh, that looks incredible when he has to move around on his own .

Still, trying to appeal to a younger audience isn’t the main reason the series sucks. No, there are a number of other reasons for that. Starting with the plot, which manages to be rushed and stretched at the same time. Not to mention the various subplots that are teased with meaning,… only to drop without a word or a word. An entire episode about Dr. about Pershing. And the hints on Grand Admiral Thrawn? He never shows up. And oh look, Moff Gideon was about to clone himself… but oh, never mind.

The ultimate goal of the “Season 3” plot would be the recapture of Mandalore. But that only becomes clear in the penultimate episode. For that, Din Djarin is rushed from side story to side story. This usually works like this:

Short opening scene relevant to the overall plot; after that, most of the episode consists of a random side story, often with characters appearing out of nowhere and then disappearing, never to be seen again; followed by a short final scene that is relevant to the overall plot, but has absolutely nothing to do with the previous substory.

Worst Example: Episode 6, where Bo and Din fly to that country club planet and try to convince their former crew to join them (to advance the plot, you know). But then the script forces them into a silly and contrived subplot revolving around alcoholic droids whose only raison d’être is the appearance of Lizzo and Jack Black. And then at the end of the episode quickly clarify that with the rightful legacy of the Darksaber, please! (Though this should have been clear upfront when Bo-Katan defeated that cybercriminal in Episode 2.)

The constant use of constructed subplots distracts attention from the main task, leaving us emotionally cold in the grand finale. In any case, there is no tension building towards this final scene. The Mandalorians just stumble upon that huge Imperial base and, oops, these brand new Beskar-armored Darktroopers fly right at them.

Unfortunately, you don’t learn much, if anything, about the individual characters. Yes, Bo-Katan may experience a small change of heart. A little. But the promising premise about life in the extreme sect of Din Djarin, where no one is allowed to take off their helmets and everyone has to live in a bizarre form of seclusion, is only superficially discussed and promptly dropped… to avoid another subplot to hunt.

Hey, but perhaps the most painful thing about this series is the dialogue. These are apparently written by writers who don’t trust the audience to actually follow the plot and draw logical conclusions (probably assuming we’re on Tiktok as we watch). And so you’re constantly presented with characters explaining what’s happening, what just happened, and why it’s happening. Paz Vizsla repeatedly claims that one cannot attack that pterosaur because it would “kill the child otherwise” (which, incidentally, turns out to be wrong). Without exception, we are dealing with characterless characters, who constantly explain what they do, what they think, what they want.

Okay, okay – maybe you’re one of them hollow pears People who can overlook weak storylines, one-dimensional movie characters and so on, because they just like the action scenes? The action sequences are great, aren’t they?
Or?

no. The Mandalorians, those highly trained elite warriors equipped with all the high-tech bells and whistles, repeatedly find themselves in trench warfare situations. Why the hell don’t they use their jet packs? Paz Vizla allows himself to be slaughtered by the Praetorian Guards, even though he could easily have flown away. The Mandalorians got surrounded by some drunken pirates because… I don’t know why. They are attacked by a giant crocodile, but no one would think of flying at a distance and attacking the critter with its ranged weapons. Instead, everyone remains in the immediate danger zone…why?

Because yes Din Djarin must be flown in as deus ex machina – BECAUSE the script calls for it. So they sail for that Godzilla thing on Mandalore, even though they saw it from a distance and could have easily avoided it. As a result, only one Mandalorian flees the ambush while the others remain in the trenches. BECAUSE the script dictates. The screenwriters don’t care about the logic. But this attitude is an insult to the intelligence of the average viewer.

OK. I have to stop. Eat a Snickers or something. Watching “Mandalorian 3” is optional. My advice: save your time. Instead, watch “Andor” again.

In the meantime, let’s hope Ahsoka gets better.