Because Emily is more Swiss than Switzerland, she can explain Switzerland

Anna Rothenfluh

When Emily is at rest, you can’t tell how strong she is. She actually shuffles a bit when she walks around the office, probably an insidious deception that makes you think, ha, Emily, she doesn’t even have enough strength to lift her feet properly, I can always beat her at arm wrestling.

But you don’t.

Nobody does that.

Emily is the strongest of them all. And it is an extremely loose force. One that doesn’t show on your face even when you exert yourself hard.

A power that does not seem to be learned, but is somewhere deep in their genes. From there, she suddenly jumps into the limb required for the feat, turning it into steel in an instant.

Emily was almost certainly born that way. That’s why the passive construction feels somehow wrong right now. She must have almost given birth to herself a little.

In no way do I mean to minimize her mother’s achievements, but I just can’t help but imagine little Baby Emily crawling through the birth canal with her strong Baby Emily arms about thirty years ago.

She could easily tear up two phone books at once if she wanted to.

But we are not gathered today to tear up books. Quite the opposite. Here a very special printed work is mercilessly praised to the heavens.

It says:

«Emily explains to the Swiss. A look from the outside, from Apéro to Zurich.” Or in German: «Emily explains Switzerland. Helvetic peculiarities from aperitifs to Zurich.»

You guessed it. Our Emily wrote this excellent collection of Swiss oddities in dictionary form.

You’re now asking yourself why Emily is the right person for such an undertaking. And – following my strange argument – ​​continued to mumble critically:

Is it just because she’s strong and can tear up two phone books at once if she wants to?

So.

Yes.

After all, she could beat me in terms of strength if I were to say that, even after twelve years of playing around as a Canadian on Swiss soil, she has unfortunately still not fully understood the Swiss soul.

I could tell her, just because you can wave and blow the alphorn, just because you like five-franc coins and SBB ticket machines, just because your bundles of waste paper are the most perfectly formed Bünzli towers of all the past and future times and future times. as a bribe to the Federal Council so he can finally get yours. Handing out a red pass just because you ate more than one fondue doesn’t mean you’re an expert on Swissness.

What about the Räbeliechtlium parade?!?

🎶I’m going with a miner’s lantern and mini lantern… 🎶

Unfortunately, even about 100 to 1000 Helvetic women seen naked cannot make up for the invisible Räbeliechtli procession.

Anyway. After all, Emily knows how treacherous the Swiss station clocks are…

And also knows the normal treasure hunt…

But she has collected the most detailed information about her enemy. She knows him, must know him. Because she is afraid of him, she knows exactly where he can lie waiting for her…

She would win if push came to shove, I’m pretty sure. Emily would take down the cow in a one-on-one fight, with the strongest strong arms.

But maybe the effort showed on her face.

And I also have a book… Ah, no. Hmm… Who is Emily talking about in her (non-)thanksgiving…

“I do NOT want to thank Maurice Thiriet, my boss at Watson. Every time I brought up this project, he would tell me how another colleague had also taken time off to write a book and never finished it. Mo, that was very discouraging.”