Is there sex* in the city?

I’m flying to New York tomorrow… I’m getting a little sick typing this sentence so it’s very possible I’m canceling at the last minute and not being on the plane but sitting on my couch with 17 per mille. But the current plan is as follows: I will leave Zurich tomorrow, Saturday, at 9:00 AM. I land at JFK Airport at 2pm. I go to a hotel Hanna recommended because Hanna loves New York and claims to be a New Yorker. (She’s from a small town in Aargau, small difference, but whatever.) I’ve only been to New York once, that was many years ago, a family vacation and what I remember most is a “Sex and the City” – Tour my younger sister forced us to do.

I should be at the hotel around 4pm and then write a message to you*. Either I call Or I go… Okay, that’s all a bit unclear. The goal is to see you* and talk to you. Creating clarity, looking for solutions, maybe if things go well, sex* in between, but you shouldn’t expect anything, they always say and I think that’s complete bullshit, because if you don’t expect anything, then expect something, namely nothing. On Sunday I fly back at 4pm so I can be back in Zurich at 6.30am and at work at 8am.

Before you shout: Yes, that is absolute nonsense about the climate and I donated half of my February salary to suitable organizations out of sheer pangs of conscience. And I haven’t flown once in the last three years. Doesn’t really make it any better I know because I’m on an overseas flight for just a 24 hour layover right now. I just wanted to mention it anyway. three years!

I also want to say at this point that this is all Hanna’s idea. The whole trip to New York, I mean. Hanna thought I’d never find out “what’s going on” if I couldn’t talk in person. She said Face to Face and added that Facetime does not apply. One must clarify such things in flesh and blood.

Hanna also said I can blame her if the trip fails. What that means is anyone’s guess and I know it sounds like I want to justify myself, but the fact is, I want to justify myself. I find my project so extraordinary that I judge myself for it before it all starts.

Important information: She* doesn’t know I’m coming.

This is because I don’t know if she would want me to visit her in New York. And I don’t know if I would want to know how she reacts if I asked her. I think it’s better to see them directly. face to face When we’ve seen each other, it’s always been good. I trust that.

Now the important question: why am I doing this? I hate grand gestures. Me, who clearly stated in the penultimate text that he is not “that type of man” who flies after a woman as a romantic act and then sings love songs in front of the balcony. Before you ask: No, I don’t have a guitar with me. I can’t play guitar yet.

I’m doing it, I think so, I’m not so sure either, but I think I’m doing it because it’s haunted me so much the last two weeks. Because I really can’t figure out what I want, what she wants and what it’s all about. No matter how much I think and study.

I understood their WhatsApp. I understood that she* was angry. I didn’t expect her to read this blog. my mistake I could have done more to disguise her identity. I answered her and apologized. She just wrote “It’s okay, I’m far away anyway,” which surprised me a bit because it didn’t quite sound like “It’s okay” in her lengthy WhatsApp before. But now good. She can change her mind.

Wanting to distract myself first, I swept around on Tinder intensively. What made me suspicious was that I hadn’t swiped right once in three days. And I became even more skeptical when Hanna told me to stop talking about it and Hanna never, ever complains when I talk about women. That was yesterday and by the time we talked about it we’d had a few beers. Hanna said, “If I find a flight that costs less than 500 francs, you’re going to find out. Otherwise, I demand that you call her now.” She found a flight. It was just under 400 francs and I hated the idea of ​​calling so much that I agreed and she booked the flight.

I don’t really know what I hope for from this trip. What I wish is that there will be peace in my head again. That everything is finally back to normal.

Wish me luck!

as long as

am