And what kind of Christmas are you?

How to celebrate: Christmas fans

The old Christmas tree hasn’t been thrown away yet, so there’s only one issue for them: Next Christmas. They burn for it. Christmas in December fans reveal all the lighting that has accumulated on the floor over the past 20 years. Fill the house with this, including garden gnomes. And turn night into day. The program on Christmas Eve is tightly planned: first the nativity play that the family has been rehearsing for weeks, then the six-course meal crowning the Christmas goose. And before the gifts are given, the children of these families bravely play “Silent Night” on the violin – after all, for which parents only pay thousands of tuition fees each year.

Table talk: Where are the most beautiful Nordmann firs? What Christmas menu will we cook next year?

How to celebrate: Christmas muffle

These contemporaries exist in every acquaintance circle. You’ve been in a bad mood since the beginning of November. Motzen about mulled wine and Christmas markets. Lighted Christmas trees avoid the sun like vampires. Christmas? Fake trade! But what they hate most is when their bodies are transported to Wham!’s “Last Christmas” and they accidentally fall in love with Christmas. Here’s what Christmas Eve looks like for a grumpy couple: an evening in front of the boob tube with “The Godfather” and Al Pacino, plus a Thai curry from the delivery service and a Gutterli Primitivo. We go to bed at 10 o’clock at the latest.

HE table talk: Can you pass the fork, honey? Or: Switch to stop, I need to go to the bathroom.

How to celebrate: I woke up

It’s the same ritual every year before Christmas: the family tribe. Members vote: either support or boycott the perverted consumer festival. Fifty-fifty this year, the scales tip the scales: the three-year-old boy, unsure at first, gives up after a day of thinking – because: “Gschänkli uspacke!” The tree is rented, pine cones are hung from the local forest. In their own Christmas crib, Maria and Josefine take their Jesus on a cargo bike to the three queens. And when it comes to food, they’re not stingy: Dad brings red cabbage and vegan roast lentils from the allotment garden.

Table talk: How are we going to explain to children that next year Santa will be a woman?

How to celebrate: young parents

The baby sets the pace. Young parents are offended if the extended family announces the celebration from 6 pm. Your mouse should be in his bed at home at this time, it’s the only place he can sleep. So the family celebrates in the afternoon. Food was chopped beyond recognition, pureed and served with as little salt as possible. Banana-flavored dessert. The child should also be able to eat. Kim “Rimuss” – Solidarity with the little teetotaler! – he doesn’t like it, secretly reaching for the hip flask. It won’t be said for a few more years, you don’t want to overstimulate the child.

Table talk: Why do grandparents talk to young parents about their upbringing? maternity leave

How to Celebrate: Spiritually Enlightened

The stars are always right. And so next to each sign is a place card with horoscopes that the mother worked on in an evening astrology class. Big losers this year: Aries. There are several in the family. You are easily offended and radiating bad feelings these days. A mother’s tip for harmonizing spirits: a scented and spiritually supported meditation session with incense sticks right at the start. There are also traditional Far Eastern sounds that families bring from a yoga retreat in Bali. The food is clean: fried tofu with rice, chia seed pudding for dessert. Very important: no alcohol. Bad for karma.

Table talk: Sri Lanka or Bali – which meditation centers are better? What is the afterlife spokesman Pascal Voggenhuber actually doing?