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Ms. Kaeslin, have you stepped on the scale on Monday morning this week?
Ariel Kaslin: No, those times are fortunately over. There are no scales in my apartment.
As a gymnast you had to weigh yourself every Monday morning in Magglingen. What happened when you were too heavy for your coach?
Then I got insulted and had to jog in a sweat jacket until I had the 100 grams too much again. If that didn’t work, I was banned from training for a day. So, of course, we always tried to avoid being overweight on Monday mornings.
How did you do that?
By not eating anything from Sunday evening. And we were also pretty inventive and smart. We weighed which gym dress was the lightest, took off the bra and earrings to shave every ounce.
You came to the National Association Center in Magglingen when you were thirteen. How homesick were you?
Mega, it was a major life event. My mom and dad were gone overnight, suddenly I had other colleagues at school, and then there was this extremely hard daily training.
She started gymnastics when she was four years old. Was training in Magglingen so different after that?
The playfulness was gone overnight, it was all about performance.
In Magglingen’s first six years, you had a trainer who tormented, verbally and psychologically abused you and your gymnast colleagues. What was a typical day in Magglingen like?
In the morning I had two or three lessons in the Gymi in Biel. Then I took the train to Magglingen and trained for three hours. After lunch we went back to school in Biel and then back upstairs to train for another two to three hours. During the training we were regularly insulted with words that I do not want to repeat here. I came home around 8 pm, first I lived with a host family, later in a shared apartment. The best time of the day was always in the evening when I had survived the training and was in the shower.
Food was a big topic back then.
For example, our trainer forbade us to eat bread and spaghetti and then demonstratively ate them in front of our eyes.
Have you always adhered to it?
Of course not. We regularly went to the canteen to return the dishes, took the uneaten pizza bases off the plates, put them in our bags and secretly ate them later.
What effects have the eating restrictions had on your well-being?
Because we weren’t allowed to eat carbs, we ended up with a total deficit and I was very cold every night. In addition, injuries did not heal, I was depressed and I thought about food 24 hours a day. Of course that didn’t help my performance. I have wasted so much energy thinking about food during this time. If I had been a pound or two heavier, but didn’t have to worry about eating, I would have been a lot more productive.
As an outsider you inevitably think: why didn’t you just leave Magglingen?
There were always times when I was almost ready. But I was always aware: if I go home now, my dream and my career as a gymnast will be over. Therefore, I was powerless to abuse. At the same time, I myself was also driven by success. I also wanted to push myself to the limit to become even better and push the boundaries, because my goal was to become the best gymnast in Switzerland.
In your biography “Leiden im Licht” you write the following sentence, which your trainer told you: “If you drop dead, I can still eat well.”
He actually said that to me. Another time, when I fell off the bridge during practice, he just said, “I hope it hurt.” He drove me out of the carefree, playful, rebellious and broke my character and my personality. I am still working today with professional help to regain my original character.
Is women’s gymnastics particularly vulnerable to abuse?
Yes, because it is a children’s sport. At that time I went from girl to woman. But the ideal image of a gymnast is that of an eight-year-old girl with the muscles of an eighteen-year-old man and the feminine appearance of a woman. Achieving this ideal is impossible. Yet you try to waste so much energy fighting to suppress the development from girl to woman. With fatal consequences. I do believe that artistic gymnastics promotes cross-border actions and attacks, because the Meitli and the boys cannot yet estimate the impact such trainers and their methods may have on their entire lives afterwards.
Do you have an explanation today why this coach treated you the way he did?
I don’t think he meant it badly. He just wanted to get the most out of it. He probably wasn’t aware of the damage he had done to us gymnasts.
That sounds very forgiving.
I have come to a point today where I have processed everything relatively well. I now have more sympathy for him and also understand that a gymnastics coach has a lot to offer. He must be technically top and a good educator. He must be empathetic, yet tough. And he has to take on a father role to some extent. His successor Zoltan Jordanov proved that this is possible and that you can still celebrate successes with it.
In 2007, the controversial coach was permanently fired. Also because you and your colleagues rebelled against him. What did the successor Jordanov do differently?
He was also tough, but accepted every athlete as they were. He was a textbook example of healthy top sport, if you can call top sport healthy at all.
Success came with him. They became European champions, vice world champions and fifth at the Olympic Games. Were you able to enjoy these successes at all?
I enjoyed it a lot and celebrated it extensively for being extreme, even when I was successful. But only for a very short time, a day at the most. Throughout my career I have never really been able to enjoy and let go. I always put the focus back on the next goals and demanded even more of myself. This behavior pattern also had to do with my previous trainer. After successes, he kept telling me, “You don’t have to think you’re good just because you won. You need to train more. You need to get better.” He deliberately kept us small. Looking back, I am amazed at how powerful my body was back then, even though my mental and physical resources were not respected.
You resigned in 2011. Why?
I just couldn’t anymore. I had always been tired for years, was in bed every two weeks with a fever and had cognitive impairment. When I read a newspaper article, I eventually forgot what I had read. In conversations I could no longer follow my interlocutor properly. My brain couldn’t take in and connect anything anymore at this point. This often made me feel stupid. And the emotions were also gone, I was dead inside, a state that made life no longer worth living. But for a long time I didn’t know what was bothering me.
What did the doctors say?
The sports doctors continued to draw blood from me and examine me. I really wanted a diagnosis, but didn’t get one because the values were okay. But then I saw a TV report about former ski jumper Sven Hannawald, who talked about his depression. Then I realized: I feel the same as he does. That was a relief. I finally knew what I had: depression, burnout, a massive eating disorder. Suddenly I had a lot of time, which was new and difficult for me.
What do you mean?
I’ve been doing gymnastics since I was four. My whole life was predetermined and suddenly I had an empty agenda in front of me. As a top athlete, many people and the association have taken care of me. But after the dismissal I suddenly found myself on my own. In addition, the transformation from top sport to everyday life brought many challenges. I didn’t know how to pay bills because my management did it all. What do you talk to people about in everyday life if you’ve only talked about gymnastics? How do you separate the waste?
But the low point came when you traveled alone to Asia in 2011.
Shortly after retirement, I needed a change of scenery, but my mental health was extremely bad at the time. When I was in Tokyo, I had a big crisis.
Your book says, “If I could have pressed a button and then died, I would have pressed my head.” Have you specifically thought about suicide?
I’ve thought about it, but I had no intention of doing it. I just knew: if my life continues like this, it won’t be fun anymore. So I got professional help.
Was it difficult for you to accept help?
No, I was just happy to finally know what was bothering me. Thanks to a nutritional psychiatrist, a psychologist and a psychiatrist, I have slowly fought my way back into life. I set new goals, looked for new hobbies and gave my day a healthy structure. All this took a lot of time.
You then came out with your psychological problems.
At that time it was still a big taboo and many people advised me not to take this step. They told me not to communicate that because it would damage my image. But today I’m super happy to have communicated this so openly and to be able to encourage other people in similar situations.
In 2021 you also made public that you are bisexual. Why this step?
For the same reasons. Because there are still too few role models. When I fell in love with a woman, the first thing I thought was, shit, what’s going on? Then I looked into it and suddenly thought: Cool, this is a new world for me. Full of anticipation I now send myself out into the world.
How is your life today?
Nice. I am in a happy relationship and have just completed my physiotherapy studies. My goal now is to work as a physiotherapist and continue to give lectures and workshops on mental health.
Finally, let’s talk about the scale again. Would you have a problem stepping on the scale today?
No, I have now found a relatively healthy way to deal with food and my body. I feel better today than I did then, even if I am less fit and heavier than then. At the same time, the top athlete is still in me. I still feel most comfortable when I step out of my comfort zone once a day and suffer a little.
If you look back on your career as an athlete today. Was it all worth it?
Yes, today I see it all much more positively. I am proud of the path I have walked.
Source : Blick
I’m Emma Jack, a news website author at 24 News Reporters. I have been in the industry for over five years and it has been an incredible journey so far. I specialize in sports reporting and am highly knowledgeable about the latest trends and developments in this field.
