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His footsteps give him away before he even enters the room. Vanja Rossi learned to pay attention to signals: stamping her feet, breathing, sighing. If he makes a mistake (a wrong look, a wrong word), he reacts aggressively. She screams, gets angry, hits the doors with her fists, makes the children cry. He once said, “Do you know why I didn’t hit you?” she asked. At this point Rossi feels completely powerless. He waits, remains silent, endures. “Then you can report me,” she answers her own question.
It would be easy to paint this story in black and white. Good here, bad there. One victim, one perpetrator. However, the 25-year-old player does not want this. So we paint it gray and replace the real names with made-up names. Vanja Rossi here, Adrian Kunz there. “My ex is a wonderful person, but there’s a demon inside him,” she says. The demon is called alcohol.
A demon becomes a permanent guest
Rossi and Kunz met as teenagers and began living together at an early age. Their first daughter was born in 2017. Adrian can be friendly and charming; There is no deadline for this to end. Change is coming slowly. Another beer after work, we go out again with friends. At first the demon occasionally knocks on the door, then it becomes a permanent guest.
Addiction drains money and before long debt collections will hit the mailbox. Adrian soberly struggles with self-doubt and regret. The drunk is looking for an outlet for his anger. Vanja has to serve again and again until she questions herself. Could he have provoked her? But years later he learned there was a term for it: gaslighting. A person is manipulated until they no longer trust their own thoughts and perceptions.
Everything gets worse with the birth of the second daughter. Vanja wants to leave, but where should she go? No money, no job, no apartment. She hoped for a long time that everything would be okay; Until one evening the balloon burst. Adrian gets angry and screams at his visiting mother. “When I saw him crying, I felt disgust. I ran away to another room and breastfed the baby. He laughed maliciously and said: “You don’t dare to leave anyway!”
But that’s exactly what he does. Vanja Rossi left the apartment where she lived with the children at the end of 2018 and hasn’t looked back.
Adrian does not pay any child support
What served as an emergency solution five years ago is now her home: a small block of flats in her hometown. Here he does not listen to footsteps and does not lock the doors. His new partner is cooking in the kitchen and the girls are playing in the nursery. Rossi speaks calmly and thoughtfully about his experiences. «Today I know that Adrian is seriously ill and needs help. It wasn’t always like this. “I was incredibly angry at first.”
Because Adrian Kunz doesn’t pay alimony.
If child support is not paid, the municipality usually steps in and advances child support. This protects children from poverty and eases the burden on single parents in emergency situations. The money will then be recovered from the parent responsible for the care. However, advance payment is possible only in case of a court decision or an alimony agreement.
Rossi didn’t know about all this. «Since we were not married, I did some research during the pregnancy. But no one mentioned the maintenance agreement.” This clarifies the most important questions in case of separation – custody, visitation rights, child support. Things that can be edited later. But this requires patience and time, which Vanja Rossi can hardly find.
Deficiency status – a special case
After leaving, he is 90 percent working and in the middle of training. She takes the girls to the babysitter early in the morning, leaving only time for a goodnight kiss in the evening. On weekends he researches laws and visits offices. «There was chaos. I was constantly going back and forth between municipality, cantonal and alimony aid. “Nobody seemed to have any perspective.” It works at one point: In January 2020, Vanja and Adrian signed a maintenance agreement with the child and adult protection agency (Kesb).
The next setback is this: The contract says, “Father receives social assistance and is currently unable to work.” Adrian Kunz became even more addicted and lost his job. This is called a deficiency situation: If a person’s income is not enough to pay alimony, he or she is left with the minimum subsistence amount. Therefore, Adrian is not obliged to pay a certain amount of alimony. This also excludes prepayment of child support. After all, if his financial situation improves, he will have to pay the deficit retroactively for up to five years.
But there is no improvement in sight. Adrian’s demon is stubborn. Therapies and hospital stays helped at first, then crashed again. Vanja is also running on the edge. She wants to work less but she can’t afford it. People around you help you, but there is still something missing in every nook and cranny.
Many of those affected are on social assistance
When he had no other choice, he applied to Caritas and knocked on the doors of the organizations. «I couldn’t do anything about my situation, but I still had to overcome myself ruthlessly. I didn’t want to be dependent on others.” He slowly comes to know single parents. They have other demons, the same problems: too little time, too little money. Many are on welfare. Although this helps them make ends meet, it is associated with stress and embarrassment. Rossi says, “You have to fill out countless forms , you have to reveal private information and be constantly monitored,” she says. She has met women who were offended by this. And even those who didn’t try.
Many desperate parents, overwhelmed by legal obstacles, contact the Swiss Association of Single Mothers and Fathers (SVAMV). “They work, take care of their children and, in the worst case scenario, even borrow money,” says SVAMV President Yvonne Feri. The current regulation is contrary to the legal equality requirement.
Mirjam Holdener, legal advisor at the Zurich Women’s Centre, also thinks: “Both parents are equally responsible for alimony, but the subsistence minimum is taken into account only for the person responsible for alimony.” It is also controversial why the additional compensation period is limited to five years. “The child has the right to alimony as long as he is educated.”
In recent years, many initiatives have called for fair solutions. Yvonne Feri, a former Aargau SP national councillor, campaigned for additional family benefits. “There are such things in four cantons. “They support working poor families, especially in stressful transition situations,” she says. The proposal was generally well received but was rejected after years of review; The responsibility lies with the cantons. The same situation is in green for means-tested child allowances. There are no new initiatives at the moment.
It won’t work without support
Vanja Rossi sums it up this way: “If you don’t have an environment, you can’t get through it.” Luckily, St. The St. Gallen resident has a safety net: his parents, Adrian’s family and a new partner. This completely changed his life. “He continues to pay things for my daughters and gives up a lot of things. This makes me both happy and angry. “If there was a prepayment of alimony, there would be no need for this.” After five years of saving, the 25-year-old finally wants to be independent again. Fulfill children’s requests, do not constantly say no. Do something for yourself too. Go dancing or play the violin.
Daughters have little connection with their father. Following the separation, several meetings were held with a representative from Kesb. “This is not possible right now,” says Vanja. Adrian is in rehab. Despite everything, he hopes to see you again. Stable communication, normality and alimony between him and his daughters. Then when Adrian becomes durable and reliable again. When the demon is finally gone.
Help for single parents
- Swiss Association of Single Mothers and Fathers (SVAMV): free and independent advice and coaching; svamv.ch
- Caritas Switzerland: Provides advice in emergencies and to people with debts; caritas.ch
- Swiss Mother and Child Benefit (SHMK): Provides advice and direct assistance to women, couples and families in distress due to pregnancy or childbirth; shmk.ch
- Umbrella organization for budget advice in Switzerland: advice, online calculations, budget examples and fact sheets; Budgetberatung.ch
Source :Blick
I’m Tim David and I work as an author for 24 Instant News, covering the Market section. With a Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism, my mission is to provide accurate, timely and insightful news coverage that helps our readers stay informed about the latest trends in the market. My writing style is focused on making complex economic topics easy to understand for everyone.
