Expert Explains: How Do I Know If An Orgasm Is Fake?

Hardly any topic is as embarrassing as the fake orgasm. Everyone knows that with simulation you only cut yourself in the flesh because nothing improves your sex life, but many people become devoted amateur actors in bed anyway.

As many as 80 percent of all women would have already faked an orgasmabout half even regularly, according to a survey in 2022. Unsurprisingly, most of them do it to avoid hurting their partner’s ego, because they think an orgasm is expected of them, or because they want to ‘stop’ sex.

But can you play a climax so well that you no longer recognize it? Or is the deception ultimately not clear?

We talked about it with Mignon Kowollik. She works as a sex coach for couples and singles in Hamburg and is a consultant for the portal “Ashley Madison”.

Whether someone steps in to end the act (“Sex and the City”), fakes the climax in public (“When Harry Met Sally”), or a real orgasm changes your outlook on life (“Pleasantville “) – Comedies have long dealt with the subject, but almost always from the point of view of women.

Do men sometimes pretend? “Oh yeah!” says the expert clearly. «It’s not just women who “fake” from time to time. However, it should be mentioned that women are still at the forefront of pretending.”

No wonder, after all, that women come less often than men, at least if the intercourse consists of pure penetration. The “Orgasm Gap” (more information here) associated with performance pressure can be tempted to fake. But men also fall for the performance pressure trap and then resort to simulation, Kowollik explains:

In addition, there is a mental load that blocks the way to the climax. These everyday stressors are “a reason for both women and men to fake an orgasm,” Kowollik reports.

In short, sometimes it seems more convenient to pretend, but with so much cheating going on, how do you even know if you’re having an orgasm?

The expert speaks of “two signs” in women that are particularly reliable: “Shortly before the woman comes, her breathing changes – a process that cannot be made,” says Kowollik, explaining:

Other possible signs of a “real” orgasm include: blotchy redness on the cheeks, neck, or décolletage, not an overly loud moan, but an increased heart rate and heart rate.

A real orgasm is also more difficult to recognize in men than is generally assumed. “Clearing up a lie about orgasm is usually impossible,” says the sex therapist. Than so much fluid is released during sex that ejaculate is barely distinguishable “even if you look closely”.. “If you do it with a condom, the fraud cannot be checked 100 percent anyway,” she continues.

What’s more, in men there is also a so-called “dry orgasm”, Kowollik reports, the liquid evidence of the climax is then not visible, even though the pleasure has been felt:

However, the question of the fake is actually the wrong approach, says the expert. It should be “emphasized that good sex for a woman or for a man is not necessarily accompanied by an orgasm”.

It is more important to get rid of this idea for a satisfying sex life than to look for signs of a fake. No one is a “bad” lover just because it lacks a climax. And there wouldn’t be nearly as much chatter if the message was spread that the purpose of intercourse isn’t orgasm, it’s beautiful sex.