Do I really want sex in public again?

Before we jump into the past, to when Big Ben was still Mini Ben, which isn’t quite true, because I was an adult when I was about twenty years old and so the same size as now, oh, these box sets, finally learning to write, Mimimi, why am I reading this at all, mimimi, at least before we flash back to when I was much younger and my hair was much longer, briefly the current premise.

I met a woman last week. I briefly considered coming up with an exciting introductory story for you to keep the suspense going and fill in the commentary columns, but then decided against it. It’s the year 2023! No one gets to know each other randomly and spontaneously anymore. We wipe our sore fingers and then we sit in a bar with the same lines and a memorized resume and pretend it’s all exciting when we’ve played the exact same script a hundred times.

Anyway, the woman was very hot, very smart and sarcastic and: ENM. Ethically non-monogamous. I don’t know exactly what that means. But translated into German it means something like: she can fuck someone else, but she doesn’t want to and in the best case scenario she doesn’t fall in love. Just sex, no frills. That seems absolutely perfect to me. She doesn’t want us either. She used a lot of abbreviations in her profile, which I found a bit stingy, me, who likes to use a lot of words. As you know.

item.

We’re skipping the date because what you’re only interested in anyways is if there’s going to be a second one and what it’s going to be like. And that, dear readers, I cannot say as of today, because the woman has expressed the following wish: She and her husband, yes, they are married, really, in church, with vows and all, they want another threesome, but not real ones, they don’t like that, the man doesn’t want men in bed, at least not when he’s in it, she wants sex with me and he wants to watch it.

Now I’m a bit skeptical about this. In short, I think yes, try everything. But I’ve tried this thing before and didn’t classify it as worth repeating.

I was in my mid twenties doing what most twentysomethings fresh out of PH do, I was backpacking around SE Asia and one night I was in a hostel in Thailand. It was hot and stuffy and I had downed tons of Singha beer. The hostel was not far from the one I was staying at and was having a beer pong karaoke party on the roof that night. I got talking to a couple from England, they had just completed a two week diving course, classical, and now they wanted to party for another three days and then go back to London. You must have been ten years older than me. He maybe even more. I liked them both, especially him. He was relaxed and could drink beer like he was three heads taller than me, even if he only came up to my chest. I haven’t really talked to her. She didn’t say much and I didn’t want to ruin her honeymoon feeling.

At one point I wanted to leave. It was late. I had to go to the toilet and then wanted to leave. I could have stayed in your room, she said – and I should have listened carefully. But that’s not me, I thought it was a nice touch, after all, the toilet at the rooftop bar was completely puking. That wouldn’t have bothered me much given my blood alcohol level, but still, adilettes and all. We went to her room, I went to the bathroom and when I came out the woman was sitting on the bed in her underwear. I will never forget this photo. Her husband was standing at the window. Still deeply relaxed, as if that’s the most normal thing in the world right now. You didn’t want to say anything upstairs, the woman said, pointing to the bed next to her. We were always surrounded by other people. But she would like to have sex with me while her husband watches.

I did what you do when you’re 25 and dead drunk in Thailand. The sex is not included in the history of my best times. For many reasons: My blood alcohol level was around 17.92. My bladder was empty for a moment, but because of all the watery beer it was completely full again after two seconds. And I was under pressure. Of course I also want to perform well in other ways. Wants the woman to have a good time. That it is generally consistent. But if there is still an audience! Then you don’t want to do anything wrong! I remember being annoyed that she didn’t make a sound, but the man moaned really loudly, loud enough to drown out the rattling ceiling fan. I haven’t come for ages, the beer, the pressure, the stress. She had no orgasm. The only one who really enjoyed it was her husband.

The most absurd part was the farewell. He hugged me, sweaty belly to sweaty belly, and she gave me one of those loose, easy hugs that almost never touch.

And now I have to do it again? Don’t know.

I will?

as long as

am