Once upon a time there was a relationship. It did not take long. We were a couple exactly seven months. For seven months I introduced the woman as “my girlfriend”, which felt very strange every time. It was like using other people’s words and pretending that the stories I ever read or heard were mine. I never really got used to it. After seven months, the ghost was over. And before you cry out, no, it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t a horror ride. Not a roller coaster of emotions. It was good.
(Fun fact: She loves Europa Park. I hate it. We went anyway – for her sake. I threw up under a fake lantern after Silverstar. It was a disaster.)
We broke up in the summer of 2014 because she was moving and I didn’t want a long-distance relationship. She would have wanted to “try”. Although she also believed it would be difficult. We’re going to fail, she’d said several times, because she wanted to risk what I thought was a very painful death. Better a clear cut than an eternally long fraying. She went to Bali. That’s a hundred hours of flying time and about the same time difference.
My job doesn’t allow me to work remotely – then it probably wouldn’t have occurred to me either if I had another job, this “the world is my office” gimmick is a new phenomenon. And I wouldn’t want to move to Bali either. I like it here. I have everything I need. I am happy in Switzerland.
I didn’t stop her. I am not selfish. I supported her wish. She went. The end.
Hanna said I did the same because I thought the whole relationship thing was outrageous. I would have found such an “easy way out”. I couldn’t handle having a better half. Just that name! Better half?! I’m not half! No one is half!
Besides, Hanna is my best friend. I could also write “only friend”, but “dear” sounds better. And she’s the only one who knows I’m Ben, so I certainly won’t make the mistake of writing something wrong here. But the thing is, Hanna is my one and only friend. Of course I have colleagues. women in the circle of friends. Female people with whom I drink coffee or a beer. But how often and regularly spend time with a woman? Unintentionally? Without sex? Just like that? There is only Hannah.
And maybe Hanna was right. I liked my ex-girlfriend. she was amazing Otherwise I wouldn’t have been with her. But I hated the whole bunch. I don’t feel like keeping anyone informed about my daily life. In a relationship you are constantly making plans. There are now two calendars and somehow you have to spend time together. But how do I know on Monday if I feel like going on Saturday with this person, ie “my girlfriend”, whom I find logically smart and nice and all, but how do I know so much in advance that on that Saturday you don’t want to go for a bike ride? Or do you want to get drunk with a buddy? Maybe I don’t want to do anything at all, but would rather stay home and play? When you’re in a relationship, none of that works. You cannot cancel at short notice or fail to keep appointments.
I know what you’re saying now, believe me, I’ve had this discussion so many times. You say, “But you get so much for it! It’s also a lot of fun to be involved! To have someone there for you!” Absolutely, but: I have friends, sisters, Hanna for that. THAT’S ENOUGH! That’s almost too much of a good thing. Many argue over sex. Which I think is a joke. A relationship does not guarantee sex I have some friends who are in long term relationships and what are they missing?Sex.
Why was I always single after this relationship? My life is good, really good. Why would I change anything? I find it totally unnecessary to pass on my genes, so I don’t need a “better half” for reproduction. And just because society wants us to believe that a relationship is the “right” way of life, the one we should all aspire to, doesn’t mean I should too.
When you’re single, you’re often treated as if you’re in an in-between phase. And that’s just wrong. Which I would also feel wrong if I said I will never be in a relationship again. Maybe I’ll change my mind. I don’t see why, but I don’t want to plan anything either. How am I supposed to know if I’m not in the mood for that twosome if I’m having trouble knowing what to do on Saturday on Monday?!?
By the way: Sina didn’t want to talk anymore. The next day she completely changed her mind. She was like a different person. She wrote that I should contact her if I wanted to ‘post something’.
And now let’s pretend we’re a couple! And I HAD to respond back and forth to her. Do you understand me?
as long as
ben
