rejoices! The Eurovision Song Contest is coming again! The trendiest acts from all over Europe will soon be competing to choose the best song on the continent (or so the theory is).
Like every year, there are some real hits. And some suckers too… as well as some performances that are downright hilarious for their whimsical nature. Here’s a selection of the must-see performances (for both positive and negative reasons).
“Okay, you can go to the ESC, but you have to bring your brother, okay?”
“And your sisters are coming too.”
“Oh, you know what? Mom and Dad will accompany you. It’s more comfortable that way!”
A Eurovision classic: the rock band who arrive in the mistaken belief that this is the perfect promotional platform for their career. And with Voyager, Australia pulls out all the stops: within 3 minutes and 14 seconds they want to show what they’ve got: irritating synthpop accompanied by unnecessarily complicated beats, for example. Epic vocal parts? We also have! And a death metal glitch? Hey, why not? Then we throw in a keytar solo performed in the wild!
Denmark targets the gender fluid Gen Z children. There’s no other way to explain this TikTok cut from Cavetown. But maybe they’re on to something, because if Reiley’s 11 million TikTok followers all vote, it could be “Hello from Copenhagen” next year.
Germany comes up with probably the most German contribution that has ever existed on the ESC: the pop version of Rammstein, so to speak. Or: Leni Riefenstahl goes to Berghain. Or: Lordi minus the humour. Oh, there will be no shortage of good blurbs this year. Because, rightly or not, this form of German cosplay is what the world imagines as “German music”. Nothing there with a little peace, no – this is about blood and glitter!
And NOW: Ballermann-Techno, performed by someone who actually wanted to go to the fair as The Incredible Hulk, but had to put together his own costume from pieces of the junk table. And – oh look! – a hyperactive dance routine with some human centipede action. Ah, Eurovision – we love you!
La Zarra wears shoulder pads that would give Vlad the Impaler ideas, and her hat doesn’t really like to stay on her head, she’s so slippery…but yes, the entrance is perfect! That’s the weather something like très, très chic and très, très sexy and simple The most French thing ever. folks, it’s great.
Ireland, the undisputed leader of the all-time Eurovision winners list with a total of seven (!) victories, comes this year with an unforgettable Wannabe-U2 splash that tries to suggest mysticism by hiding the faces of the band members behind disco ball masks. Wow, I’ve always wanted to write a sentence like that.
The song is called “Unicorn” and it’s the opposite, it’s so generic. But she can dance, Noa, and sing very well too. And in the video she turns into a centaur, negating all the negatives. A centaur, people! A CENTAUR!
This year’s obligatory cabaret interlude comes from Croatia with its song about war and an unnamed “bad little psychopath”. Hmm, who could that mean?
Apparently hipster populations still exist in the wild – at least in the Baltics, as the Latvian ESC contribution proves. And hey, at least the air guitar thing is more honest than other ESC acts, mimicking the playback with their strap-on guitars.
“I feel better in my jersey.” Well, my 14-year-old daughter assures me grandfather sweaters are all the rage. There is no other way to explain this train derailment from a performance.
And there it is, the pagan folkloric stew that is served every year at the ESC! Republic of Moldova has timpani, creepy/sexy twin singers with deer antlers and a tiny flute player. The only thing missing is a human sacrifice. And since this is Eurovision, I wouldn’t be too surprised.
Austria creates a Scoop: a song about the American writer Edgar Allan Poe, pioneer of short stories and Gothic literature in the late 19th century. But unfortunately Teya and Salena’s song isn’t a gothic banger, but radio-compliant Eurodance that tries to disguise its mediocrity with half-hearted irony.
Sofa king good! Hahaha… what? Not funny? OK. Anyway, the choreo here, as well as the song itself, is so vintage Eurovision that it’s just a pure delight.
Theodor would like to be so, so, sooo SEXAY. Does it have the desired effect? Hmm… the song itself is a real letdown. And his voice is annoying. And the fewer words you lose about the performance, the better.
But otherwise everything is great.
It can sometimes be risky to allow non-native speakers to use metaphors and similes. Exhibit a): Piqued Jacks from San Marino, who can “smell you like an animal” and can also get “butterflies in their ears”.
Guess who’s back? Yes: the 2012 winner (“Euphoria”, you know what?) should solve it for Sweden again. That could certainly work, because the song is once again perfectly tuned to Loreen’s voice, and that with the long melody lines… well, people like that kind of thing. And while she apparently hired Edward Scissorhands as her stylist this year, her status as the uber-diva of the Eurovision Song Contest remains unchallenged. A quick look at the current betting shows: Loreen leads with a clear lead.
We’ll see how well that goes down in Europe as a whole, when Switzerland of all places kicks off with an anti-war anthem “Hey, we’ve been hit too”. But Remo undeniably has a beautiful voice and the composition itself is quite nice too. And if it doesn’t work out at the ESC, the song is good as a soundtrack for the abolition of conscription. What? Too early?
No idea.
No. Paleness. Idea.
No, really now: I don’t know what’s going on here. All I know is that this is another one of those Eurovision Song Contest-only shows. I love it
And here’s the annual contribution, which is brilliantly good and (perhaps for that reason) utterly hopeless. Mastering the balancing act between tradition and avant-garde virtuoso, this flamenco-inspired song is simply a stunner. But unfortunately no Eurovision song.
Oh oh! A stage show with radioactivity warning signs and crucifixion symbols? How can that be understood? Well, according to TVORCHI’s Jeffery and Andrii, the song is about “being free in your actions, expressions and thoughts and moving on no matter how exhausted and hurt you are”. Yes, understandable.
After last year’s big hit by Sam Ryder, Team UK are raising the bar… or are they? No, unfortunately the great cultural nation of Britain, the motherland of pop music – the country that gave us Bowie, Beatles and Boaty McBoatface – instead comes up with perhaps the most generic, random song of the contest.
Nice video, Mae! And those nails.
Source: Watson
I am Dawid Malan, a news reporter for 24 Instant News. I specialize in celebrity and entertainment news, writing stories that capture the attention of readers from all walks of life. My work has been featured in some of the world’s leading publications and I am passionate about delivering quality content to my readers.
