“Crushed, Thrown Away”: A Catholic Pastor Fathers Child After Child Without Consideration

When her mother dies at the age of 100, Lisbeth finds the envelope. From father. There are 100 untouched francs in the envelope. Toni Ebnöther (1919-2011) gave it to his mother to terminate her pregnancy. To break down Lisbeth. He was a Catholic minister and Lisbeth was just one of many children he fathered. Six of them have found each other so far. Six children with four wives. It is quite possible that there are more half-siblings.

Most of them had contact with their father at some point. When Lisbeth meets him for the first time, over 30 years old, he puts his hand on her knee and wants to kiss her.

Her mother only talks about the fact that the pastor raped her in 1949, at an advanced age, shortly before her death, in front of the camera of the Zurich documentary maker Miklós Gimes. “He just hates me and throws me away, furtgschosse,” she says, crying. The camera becomes the therapist. Not just for Lisbeth’s mother. On the other, for whom the wall of shame finally collapses after decades.

Silence, shame, shame. Three giants who trample the souls of mother and child. The truth must be obscured at all costs. You don’t talk about it, because otherwise it will leak out and people will be able to talk about it.

Monika’s mother also received an envelope of money in 1958, but she did not understand the hint, she used it to buy wool and knit baby clothes. “It hurts terribly,” she says, when the pastor raped her, just like Lisbeth’s mother. She was a gullible, unenlightened, simple young woman. “I’m just stupid,” she says. The young leader of the Blauring was confused when the priest said, “Chumm e chli is bed, it’s warmer,” and when she asked him if she could conceive now, he said no, of course not.

The documentary «Our Father», a wrong (or reformed) Our Father, essentially does nothing. He just gets people talking. Miklós Gimes sits at their desks or beds in retirement homes until they feel like talking. For some for years. His patience, his caution are the attention they need, he inspires confidence. He captures their faces as they recount the outrageous in a few words. The people and their faces cannot and will not lie, hypocrisy is not in their nature, the more painful, the more destructive is the silence and secrecy for them.

Adrian and Daniela’s mother believed for decades that only her children were a misstep by Toni Ebnöther and therefore something special. The four even go on holiday together once. When she finds out during Monika’s family research that there are others – besides Monika and Lisbeth, also siblings Christine and Toni – she is sad and shocked.

Another situation arises when Toni and Christine are conceived. This material alone would be enough for an entire series. At the age of 19, her future mother is married to a former contract boy, his name is Karl and he is considered a good match. Karl has no idea about women and nothing works after the first child.

The young woman’s father goes to Reverend Ebnöther, who as a minister is the only specialist for more subtle problems far and wide, and asks him to talk to his daughter about the way to a happier married life. No sooner said than done, but the daughter prefers a secret love life with the Reverend. Toni and Christine still don’t know how she manages to get Karl to have two children.

But they know that the game the mother and Ebnöther played with Karl and the children for years resulted in serious damage to trust. Toni has no one left, with no one, he fast-forwards every love scene in a movie, and Christine is isolated with her dogs in Italy. The inner walls are as high as a house. “That’s why I also learned bricklaying”, Toni exclaims. A stone for whom the man does not immediately want to embrace. But that would be too much for him.

It is Monika who initiates the family investigation after Ebnöther’s death, and many good things arise between the half-siblings, many conversations, much comfort and joy in each other. The incumbent bishop of Chur, Joseph Maria Bonnemain, speaks of a “happy ending”. He apologizes to the newly growing extended family: “I’m sorry and all I can say is forgive us. We, the church, are guilty.”

The church under whose protection Ebnöther lived as he wished. No one dared blame a Roman Catholic minister for too human a blunder that could happen, and who were the foolish young women to interfere with his holy mission? If anyone started talking, she was branded a liar.

And Pastor Ebnöther himself? Finally, the Church became too much for him and she fired him after numerous meager transfers. In 1959 he became the host of the Pension Sunneschy in Prättigau. And to Heile-Welt-Toni, who records cassettes with folk songs and hymns that he himself has sung. Songs full of dark huts deep in the green, on which the sun only occasionally falls. Huts, presumably, whose inhabitants are extremely quiet.

In Ebnöther’s songs, God’s ways are always right. Even if they are so crooked.

“Our Father” will be in cinemas from April 6.