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Miss Lambert, finding a partner should actually be easier than ever thanks to dating apps. Yet for many singles, this is a frustrating process, why?
Paula Lambert: The real problem is that most people do not know themselves, their needs and especially their patterns. Many enter the dating market hoping to find someone who will magically remove their subconscious discomfort with life and themselves. And then they’re surprised no one else has had this happen to them.
How to solve this problem?
The most important step is to understand who you are. This means asking yourself these questions: How did the parents communicate with each other? Were my needs seen and heard by my family as a child? Did I have to win his love? What were my previous relationships like and what did I learn from them?
How does this help you find the right partner?
If you had an emotionally turbulent childhood where your parents fought a lot and you were never sure if you were going to have a good day, you probably prefer relationships in which the same uncertainty exists. But when you go to drama, it’s not you that’s overwhelming, it’s your trauma. And once you understand this, you can look for someone who is truly suitable for you. Love is calm and, above all, constant.
Is it better to meet a person as quickly as possible or text them for a while?
I think it’s very important to meet someone as soon as possible. When writing, there is a risk of creating a projection of what that person is like and what the future together will look like, without feeling that person.
How do you know if someone is interested?
A clear signal of this is when a person’s statements and actions go hand in hand. For example, he writes “I’m really busy all day, I’ll contact you in the evening” and then does the same. Or you can schedule a meeting for Saturday and it will happen then.
You said in an interview that the ideal first date should take place in a shopping store.
Definitely. You learn a lot about the other person when you go grocery shopping together. Whether it’s buying and cooking fresh food, how he behaves with employees, or how he reacts in stressful situations when there’s a line at the cash register. There’s something special about it and you can strike up endless conversations while standing at the cheese counter or choosing from the fruit.
A third of respondents to a survey by dating app Bumble said emotional intimacy is more important than sex. Do you agree with this?
It depends on how often someone wants sex in a relationship. But the truth is, sex without emotional intimacy gets boring after a while.
For what reason?
Because lack of communication in a relationship causes loss of libido. Studies have shown that lasting sexual satisfaction is achieved when a couple has healthy communication every day.
What exactly does emotional intimacy mean?
To be taken as you are. Having a partner who shares his deepest thoughts with you and cares about you. Having someone who knows what’s going on with you and why you’re the way you are.
How do you ensure that this closeness doesn’t evaporate?
There is a method called Sunday chat from couples therapy. You consciously sit together and then everyone is allowed to talk for 15 minutes without interrupting the other person. But a short round of daily updates is usually sufficient. It’s important to ask each other questions that go beyond the daily grind: What made you laugh today? What’s bothering you? Walks are especially good for this because people find it easier to talk than when they sit facing each other.
Source : Blick
I am Dawid Malan, a news reporter for 24 Instant News. I specialize in celebrity and entertainment news, writing stories that capture the attention of readers from all walks of life. My work has been featured in some of the world’s leading publications and I am passionate about delivering quality content to my readers.
