The sexual addition

If I ever unexpectedly conceive a child, which I really hope not, but you never know, a friend just told me his girlfriend got pregnant despite having an IUD, then that wouldn’t be that bad, it’s a bit stupid in terms of timing , but they would want to have a child at some point, just not now, the man is 43, so if not now, then when, I thought, but I can’t judge, I wouldn’t want a child either if I was 43. But fair, if it does happen to me and the woman decides to keep the child, I hope it is a woman like Valentina.

We remember? Non-swimmer, OB distributor, and then bra leaker, which just led to the end. But I always thought she was great. The woman is easy-going, relaxed and uncomplicated. Besides the fact that she can’t swim, I think she is also very competent in life. She makes everything seem like it’s super easy. She doesn’t seem to have any problems. No problem. No fears. She says what she wants. Does what she wants. She is not absent-minded or tense, she communicates in such a way that I understand what she means and don’t have to try to interpret what is left out. Even. The woman is wonderful.

I’m not the only one who thinks this way. Of course I know that. Every great woman is considered great by many men. You are never alone. But Valentina doesn’t just have a few men who like her. But explicitly a man who demands her time. Valentina told me about him during the first meeting.

We met for dinner last week. And because I am not – as you think – a total non-starter when it comes to communication, at least not always, I talked about our being together and the end of this together. You have to clarify things, you can’t pretend like nothing happened. I also apologized. That wasn’t necessary, she thought. We wouldn’t have defined anything. And she already expected me to ‘shut it down’ at some point; my ‘attachment style’, as I’m sure, is classically ‘avoidant’. But since she didn’t want to be in a relationship, it didn’t bother her, and otherwise it was nice to me, I was actually a “really nice guy”. I didn’t know how to respond to the word “like.” We all know: Nice is the little sister of… yes. But I think all in all Valentina likes me.

Marcel met her shortly after we left. Don’t be serious. She doesn’t want anything serious. Still not. But it is good. She meets Marcel once or twice a week for sex, but not only that, she also meets him for other things, for movies and stuff like that. I thought that was it. I was replaced. You’re right. I wanted distance, she found someone new who didn’t want that. Completely understandable.

Valentina doesn’t see it that way. She is not exclusive to Marcel. And she still has plenty of free time next to him. What else did she need me for, I asked. So why should we see each other regularly again? She has Marcel for sex and everything else. She didn’t think it mattered at all. That doesn’t have to mean anything. You could still have an “add-on”.

At first I thought this was strange. Then I thought about it again, and now I think the situation isn’t that bad. I mean, I definitely won’t feel restricted anymore. We are even further away from a relationship. Good sex is happening regularly again. But almost certainly fewer problems with the sports bra. Actually perfect.

After dinner we went to my house. As if this had always been planned. Like we never stopped. I liked that the most. That it was so familiar and relaxed. She knew where everything was. She knew my shared apartment. She likes my shared apartment. I like her. I really like her.

During sex I thought for a moment whether she might still be with Marcel that morning. And what it is like. So in general, but of course especially in bed. Does he have more muscles? Less stomach? A bigger? Does she like him more? Or me, because he would be different enough? As she always said then, she hadn’t met anyone else besides me.

We agreed to meet next week. Next week I will go to Bikram Yoga with Hanna for the first time. My reluctance to exercise in a sauna could not be greater. But maybe I’ll find my own add-on there…

So long,

Ben