Let me be single

The Goddess, a funny boy of almost four, recently asked a good question. Well, he sometimes asks good questions, for example: “Why are dogs allowed to poop outside, but we (i.e. him) are not? You could also take it with you in a bag.” – “Why don’t adults always climb things?” – “Why don’t men with big bellies have babies inside them, so how do you know there’s definitely not a baby inside them if you haven’t looked or asked?”

He recently asked why two people always work together. So why does he have a mommy and a daddy like most kids? Why always this two-way street? Why do we work together as a couple? That’s my boy, I thought, although of course I’m glad that after a few hours at the zoo he is not “my boy”, but the son of my best friend.

And now for you, dear community: why are you so focused on the two-person thing? And more importantly, because sometimes it annoys me, sometimes annoys me, usually leaves me cold, but then I’m still amazed why I’m constantly called infantile just because I don’t want a relationship and don’t want my sexual relations with women. they business, friends… Plus stories, you name it, because I keep breaking these connections for various reasons? What bothers you so much about someone who doesn’t want a relationship, the way we define relationships in general, with monogamy, introducing parents, holding hands, saying things like “We don’t like tomatoes” or “my better half”? Why is it childish if you don’t want a classic two-pack?

I’m not saying we should be polygamous. Or that everyone should be single. What I say: Everyone can do whatever he or she wants!

Why is the desire for a relationship taken so seriously, but the desire not to have one is seen as ‘not right’ or at least ‘only temporary’? Granted, as a man it is rarely assumed that you ‘actually want to commit’. For women this is even worse. What Hanna tells me is sometimes chilling. Okay, she doesn’t say she doesn’t want a relationship like I did. But it is believed that she is unhappy being single. I was also once asked if she was ‘offended’ by the fact that she had been alone for so long. She didn’t do it! She just doesn’t want to waste her time with an idiot. As a man, I am spared this. Everyone thinks he’s just having fun. People think I will change then. Or as you call it: that I then become an adult. And that is as much a misconception as the idea that single women are unhappy.

Let’s face it: there are so many bad relationships out there! Couples who argue constantly even when they are at the table with other people, making things awkward for everyone. Or relationships in which one person treats the other poorly? People lie and cheat as much as they can. You fight boredom and sex silence. Spends a fortune on the relationship therapist. Pays alimony and divorce benefits. Is the really want to grow up?

If this were the ultimate, why do so many suffer from this construction? Because they don’t get who they want? Because they feel lonely even though they are in a relationship? Because they are desperate for the right match on all apps?

You can’t tell me that finding and having the box of two is so much more satisfying than leaving both the same? And of course you can get hurt if you insist on staying single. Do I love it when people don’t tell me things like a serious relationship and marriage intentions? No. Do I sometimes find it a shame when connections are broken? Clearly. But that doesn’t mean I secretly want a classic two-person thing. That has nothing to do with each other.

So, I’m done.

Let the comments begin.

So long,

Ben