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When someone no longer makes an effort to look good for their partner or abandons themselves to other means, this initially indicates a lack of appreciation and interest. Zurich couples therapist Johanna Friedli, 58, says there is often a dilemma behind this. “We want security, we want to be able to be ourselves and at the same time feel desired and loved unconditionally.” The expert advises couples to always maintain the dialogue and not to silently watch when their partner gains weight, walks around only in sweatpants, or replaces his hobbies with watching television. This is the best way to proceed:
Choose the right words
Phrases like “You’re letting go” or “You’re getting too fat for me” are hurtful and force the partner to counterattack or retreat, says Friedli. “It’s best to start the conversation with a request or observation.” A sentence like “I noticed you’ve changed and I’m concerned about your health” is neither accusatory nor aggressive. The expert adds that the 5:1 rule applies to communicating successfully. “When you say something negative, you should emphasize five positive things in return.”
Get to the root of why
According to Friedli, the person concerned needs to find out why he left him. The following questions he can ask himself may help:
- Is something wrong in my life?
- Am I working too much?
- Am I just giving up on the place where I feel safest: the relationship?
- When did I change?
- Is this a reaction to my partner?
- Do I feel offended or unloved and take revenge on my careless appearance?
- Do I want to provoke my partner so much that he breaks up with me?
- Do I have the attitude that I want my partner to be safe and I feel like I don’t need to do anything more for the relationship?
Consider your own behavior
Friedli says that often both people notice a release in the other person, but each is in a different place. “I may feel underappreciated because my partner is gaining weight. “It may bother me because I watch television programs for hours every night.” The expert recommends reflecting on your own behavior and finding out if something about you bothers your partner as well.
Promote date nights
Friedli recommends that couples organize regular date nights, where one partner takes turns inviting them. This could be a picnic or dinner followed by a visit to the cinema. The expert says it is important to schedule a regular, binding appointment. For example, the first Friday of every month. “Then you both know in advance that this evening is reserved for your partner.” Friedli says these types of date nights require some imagination when planning, and you’ll need to think about how you’ll dress. “But that’s exactly what’s important in a relationship. “You have to invest in something to express your appreciation for the other person.”
Source : Blick
I am Dawid Malan, a news reporter for 24 Instant News. I specialize in celebrity and entertainment news, writing stories that capture the attention of readers from all walks of life. My work has been featured in some of the world’s leading publications and I am passionate about delivering quality content to my readers.
