Today it is super phallastic: “Mega fight gsi. But super fun!”

Simone Meier

I thought it might be easier that way. Maybe it flows better. Maybe I’ll enjoy it so much? I thought: let’s have a drink first, Simone, not soberly sitting down for coffee at nine o’clock in the morning after watching the new episode of “Bachelor”, but in a different way. Just drink it!

I was not in the office at the time, but in the notoriously underrated city of Geneva. I sat down in a bistro where old people were whispering sensually about Catherine Deneuve films (I know it sounds cliché, but it was true) and ordered Crémant. It didn’t help. Nothing. Only I was confused and wondering what Fabrizio actually had tattooed on his left arm. A woman? A rabbit? A rabbit woman?

In short: I was as confused about deciphering Fabrizio’s tattoo as Rose candidate Lidia was with the answer to the question of who was depicted on the Helvetic Zweifränkler.

Lidia has many more ideas, one of which is really “megaguet, Reschpäkt!” is. (Fabrizio). During his intelligence test on the “Pardyboat” (“I have a handful of Pardy on my Pardyboat”) he also asks the following questions: “Which birds do not lay eggs?” Possible answers would have been: the joker, the crane… meta stuff. But Lidia gives the completely biologically correct answer: ‘Male birds.’ General complete amazement.

And then she proposes a game that fits on a Pardy boat, just like twerking fits on a Füdli: kissing! Kissing is always good. And kissing is a subtle aesthetic revolution compared to last week’s twerking workout. Any ladies that Fabrizio has not thrown into the sea from the party boat can hit him. He has crystal clear judgments.

About Marcelline: «Mega-fast GSI. But super fun!”
About Lidia: «Very nice woman! Super nice, oh my God!”
About Ardita: “Amigs, less is more.”
About Rosa: ‘What should I do as Maa saw? It’s really great!”

And what would he say as a dolphin, for example? Or as a rabbit?

Lydia wins. A one-on-one date. Rosa is unhappy that so many have now kissed HIM. “I’m a huge overthinker,” she complains. Better an overthinker than an undertaker, that’s all I’m saying. Although …

Fabrizio and Lidia talk like this, she wants to know if she is not too old for him, he says, no, he has also had “older” women, I have no idea why I think of the zipper brand Riri when he When you think of Lidia , there must be some deep Freudian reason behind it, probably something to do with undressing. He wants to know if he is not too young for her and if he is also a father. No, everything is fine, she says, and she would appreciate a gentleman who would “accompany her to the toilet.” Um, honestly? And then???

And then Ardita loses her patience. Of all people Ardita, whose name always reminds me of the two-component adhesive Araldit. I don’t know if that’s still the case today, but when I was a kid, my father spent a lot of time mixing the contents of two tubes of glue in an even ratio, then quickly applying it and watching how it broke. cups and plates became intact. again. And the glued seams turn an unappetizing yellow-brown after a short time. But it took forever.

In stark contrast to Ardita: When Fabrizio spends a lot of time with Julia and Ardita also has to COOK for them together with others, she goes crazy and reaches for chili. Too much chili, which ends up on Julia’s plate in a heavier form. And she remains crazy. So much so that Fabrizio no longer gives her a rose. He believes that Ardita is not “self-reflective”. Ardita thinks the same about Julia and calls her “bitch”. I predict that Ardita will have a great future in all kinds of reality formats, she guarantees banging and ruckus.

Meanwhile, Lidia carved strange little sculptures out of carrots, which could also be sold in alternative dildo shops. And in addition to Ardita, Fabrizio also separates himself from Basel’s Snow White Tanja. He thinks she is “set up”. Translated, this means something like “fake”. Tanja thinks the same about Onlyfans model and ukulele virtuoso Julia. Everyone always projects their own badness onto Julia. It’s the purest culture of envy, and it’s not that self-reflective! I predict that Julia will reach the finals of “Bachelor”.

Fabrizio then spreads even worse fake news when he says goodbye to Tanja: “Thank you very much for being the man where you are. That would be a lot.” Well, just not for him.

And with that, my dear birds, none of you laying eggs, we had reached the end of the episode with the party boat and the cooking show. And we can now focus our attention again on really important things. True miracles like food for example. And then utter bon mots like the downtrodden Lady Vanessa: “I put all my heart into the papaya salad!” Enjoy your meal!