From retaliation to self-irony: five techniques that will make you smarter

“With this technique, you respond very directly to an accusation or insult,” Held says. Specifically, this means that you refute a statement made by the interlocutor by focusing on his personality or a characteristic. Since the technique can quickly become offensive, you should only use it if you want to aggressively demand respect. “Or drawing the line at a conflict after repeated, disrespectful comments.”

Standard sets of this technique:

• “Unsocial people often don’t have the experience to properly assess the situation.”
• “I do not respond to such low-level comments.”

Classic reframing involves putting an accusation or insult into a new frame. You are not addressing the negative aspect of what is being said, but you are adding a positive meaning to the accusation. Held: “Classical reframing creates a surprising effect in conversations.”

Examples:

• Accusation: “You are too narrow-minded.”
  Answer: «Well, if by narrow-mindedness you mean that I really pay attention to details, then you are right, that is true. Thank you.”
• Accusation: “This is just a thrown together suggestion from you.”
  Answer: “So if by put together you mean that I quickly come up with an idea for a solution, present it immediately without having to polish it to perfection, and think together about how we can improve it, then thank you. For this explanation.”

“This is a charming and humorous technique that requires confidence and also looks cute because you don’t take yourself too seriously,” Held says. The immediate answer here lies in accepting or even exaggerating the verbal attack. According to experts, technology is suitable to alleviate the situation in both private and professional environments.

Examples:

• Question: “What was your most embarrassing moment?”
  Answer: “Oh, there are so many. How much time do we have?”

“This technique is suitable for situations where the conversation partner assumes you have negative intentions, even though you are moving in the same direction,” says Held. You can use the just because technique to show that you have the same goal but want to take a different path to achieve it.

Example:

• Accusation: “You want to undermine the success of the project with your annoying comments!”
  Answer: “Since I care about the success of the project, I always take action on weak points.”

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How a parent reacts to a situation determines how the child responds. If you, as a father or mother, stay calm, the child usually stays relaxed, too, says Held. The goal is to react calmly to an accusation or insult to avoid allowing conflict to arise.

Example:

• Claim: “To be honest, the suggestions you have made so far have not contributed anything to the solution! Your suggestions clearly show that you have no knowledge in this field.”
  Answer: «I think this proposal is very logical because it is both cost-effective and solves the main problem well. “Of course we can take a closer look.”