Couples therapist tips: Have you considered separate bedrooms?

According to Disler, word choice plays a big role if someone in a relationship wants to suggest separate beds, for example because the partner is snoring. Suggests formulating non-accusative first-person sentences. For example: “I need a deep sleep to have energy and be fit”. That’s much better than accusations like “I can’t sleep because of you.”

Disler says it’s very important to maintain physical proximity despite separate beds. When touched, the body releases bonding hormones like oxytocin, which strengthens a relationship. Incorporating small intimacy rituals into daily life is often sufficient. The sofa can be a place to cuddle or you can lie on the bed with your partner before going to sleep on your own. According to the expert, it is important not to focus on the aspects that are eliminated as a result, but on the opportunities that separate bedrooms bring. “You can look at sleepover divorce as an opportunity to reshape the relationship.”

Disler says physical distance at night doesn’t mean partners are less interested in each other. Sometimes even the opposite is true. “Sex can become more passionate.” Because most of the time, our desire for each other increases with distance. The new sleep state can rejuvenate the relationship, as it brings with it the temptation of the unconventional. “Seducing your partner in the evening in his room can be exciting.”

Disler says a sleepover divorce should be satisfying for both partners. “If a person is not satisfied, you should look for a new solution.” For example, you only sleep separately every two nights, or describe phases where you sleep in the same bed and spend them separately. According to the expert, conflicts for separate bedrooms are always a false prerequisite. “If you want to avoid each other, the emotional distance can become even greater and jeopardize the relationship,” she says.