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If someone is no longer making an effort to look good to their partner or is otherwise giving up, this initially indicates a lack of appreciation and interest. Johanna Friedli, 58, a couples therapist from Zurich, says there is often a dilemma behind this. “We want security, we want to be allowed to be who we are, and we also want to feel unconditionally desired and loved.” The expert advises couples to always be in dialogue and not to watch silently when their partner gains weight, runs around in only sweatpants, or replaces their hobbies with watching TV. This is the best way to do this:
choose the right words
Words like “you’re giving up” or “you’re too fat for me” are hurtful and force your partner to counterattack or back off, Friedli says. “It’s best to start the conversation with a request or observation.” A sentence like “I’ve noticed you’ve changed and I’m worried about your health” is neither reproachful nor offensive. The expert adds that to communicate successfully, the 5:1 rule applies. “If you mention something negative, you should highlight five positive things in return.”
Get to the bottom of the reason
According to Friedli, the person concerned should then find out for themselves why they released them. The following questions he might ask himself may help him:
- Is something wrong in my life?
- did i work hard
- Am I only loafing where I feel most secure in a relationship?
- When did I change?
- A reaction to my partner?
- Do I feel resentful or unloved and take revenge on my careless appearance?
- Do I want to provoke my partner to the point of breaking up with me?
- Do I have an attitude that will keep my partner safe and see that I don’t have to do anything more for the relationship?
reflect your own behavior
Friedli says both people will usually notice that the other person has let go, but each is in a different place. “Maybe I don’t feel worthy enough with my partner gaining weight. He may be offended because he watches TV series for hours every night.” The expert advises you to reflect on your own behavior and find out if your partner is also uncomfortable with something about you in a conversation.
Promote date nights
Friedli recommends that couples start regular date nights, where one of the partners takes turns inviting them. This could be a picnic or dinner followed by a visit to the cinema. The expert says it’s important to set a regular and binding appointment. For example, the first Friday of every month. “Then you both know in advance that this evening is reserved for your wife.” Friedli says it takes a bit of imagination when planning these types of date nights and you have to think about how you’re going to dress. “But that’s what a relationship is all about. You have to invest something to show your gratitude to the other person.”
Source : Blick
I am Dawid Malan, a news reporter for 24 Instant News. I specialize in celebrity and entertainment news, writing stories that capture the attention of readers from all walks of life. My work has been featured in some of the world’s leading publications and I am passionate about delivering quality content to my readers.
