4 situations where you should not compromise in a relationship

No relationship without compromises – that is clear to you after a number of more or less successful collaborations. After all, a relationship is only equal if the feelings of both are taken into account and fair solutions are found.

However, there are situations where you can be uncompromising without a guilty conscience. In an interview with Watson, couples therapist Birgit Neumann-Bieneck explains in which cases you should not compromise for yourself and why.

To some extent, different opinions are refreshing in a relationship, says Neumann-Bieneck. Discussing and exchanging points of view all night long melt together. But that only works if you and your partner have the same core values.

If the values ​​in your relationship differ in what you consider desirable, morally or ethically correct, things get tricky, says the expert. If conflicts are about core values ​​in politics, religion or animal welfare, you have to be careful. The relationship therapist explains:

If you can’t accept your partner’s values, a long-term relationship is impossible, says Neumann-Bieneck: “This is evidenced by studies that show that differences are initially attractive. However, long-term relationships are characterized by partners being similar .”

In addition to the core values, your personal rights are also uncompromising, explains Neumann-Bieneck. These are your rights to self-determination, protection and representation. For example, if you’re arguing because your partner thinks your style is too revealing or disagrees with who you’re dating, say stop.

“Who you are friends with, what clothes you wear or how long you go out in the evening are part of your right to self-determination,” the relationship therapist makes clear. Often there is a deeper problem behind the conflict that you need to sort out, such as jealousy. Compromises are not the right solution here.

You must realize that there is a difference between compromise and regulation. If your partner wants to impose his opinion on you or impose his will, he leaves the area of ​​joint search for solutions.

This point has to do with your personal rights: compromise has nothing to do with the fact that you should change as a person. Neumann-Bieneck explains that if your partner wants to change you into a different person because your looks, type, or attitude don’t suit you, there’s no compromise. You have to clearly draw the line here.

A relationship only works if you meet and respect each other as equals, the relationship therapist emphasizes. If your partner wants to change you, both parameters are not met.

Sometimes your partner will approach you more because they find it easier to deal with a problem. But that doesn’t mean it’s your turn next time. “Compromises are not about blackmailing the other person. It doesn’t apply: you got what you wanted last time, now I want mine,” explains Neumann-Bieneck.

The expert believes that anyone who thinks this way has not understood what compromises are. It’s not about bullying each other, it’s about wanting the best for the relationship. Compromises are not a power struggle, but finding solutions. “It’s a constant negotiation about how much you can accommodate the other person,” the couples therapist explains. “You have to make that dependent on the situation acting on principle.”

According to Neumann-Bieneck, to successfully compromise in your relationship, you should pay attention to the following:

If you keep these tips in mind for the next conflict, nothing stands in the way of finding a compromise and a fair relationship.