Anxious, disorganized, etc.: Which of the 4 relationship types do you belong to?

The parent-child relationship is very formative

Attachment theory dates back to British psychiatrist John Bowlby (1907-1990) and American-Canadian psychologist Mary Ainsworth (1913-1999). In the 1970s, they both explored the relationship between young children and their caregivers. They found that the parent-child relationship shapes our relationships in adulthood.

As a result, a child who has a stable and trusting relationship with their parents can continue to form strong and stable bonds into adulthood. “A child whose needs are not perceived correctly or whose parents do not offer a trusting relationship tends to avoid deeper attachments in adulthood,” says Holzberg. According to experts, if parents do not impose responsibilities on their children, children become dependent on them and then begin to fear losing. They tend to be anxious in relationships.

According to the theory, there are four types of bonds:

• trustworthy
  People with a secure attachment style find it easy to trust their partners. You can build intimacy and intimacy while still remaining independent. They have high self-confidence and communicate their needs clearly. According to studies, the secure attachment type is the most represented at around 60 percent.
• shy
  People with the avoidant attachment type are prepared to experience rejection in the first place. They avoid forming a more intense bond to avoid disappointment and tend to be unable to express their feelings. This type of attachment occurs in 10 to 15 percent of people.
• terrible
  Relationships of anxious attachment types, which make up about 15 percent, are characterized by fear of loss and insecurity. Such people need too much intimacy and are afraid that their partner does not love them enough. They have a hard time being alone and hold on to their partner to make them feel safe.
• irregular
  At 5 percent, this type of attachment is the least common. People with disorganized attachment styles tend to behave in unpredictable ways. You want intimacy but at the same time push your partner away. Studies often point to mental illness or traumatic experiences such as childhood violence or abuse as the cause.

«Old experiences can be overwritten»

Some psychologists have criticized the rigid patterns of attachment theory. Holzberg too. “People move on an attachment spectrum and don’t have exactly one attachment style.” We all have our cowardly and timid sides. “Some are more obvious, some less,” he says.

The type of attachment can also change for the better over the years, according to experts. “Once someone with an anxious attachment style gains trust in their relationship, old childhood experiences can be overwritten.”