“Is Shchekavytsa still relevant?” It’s a young Ukrainian’s answer to what he would do if President Putin used a nuclear weapon against Ukraine. He says it with a big grin.

Everyone in Kyiv knows the joke about the Shchekavytsa hill in the center of the Ukrainian capital. There will be a big orgy when the war with Russia degenerates into a nuclear conflict. This was one woman’s reaction on Twitter when Putin came out with his threat.

Her tweet went viral. Endless variations have been invented, especially by people hoping for great sexual pleasure. “Shchekavytsa” expresses the mental resistance to the war that makes many so gloomy. It now stands for: ‘It will be good with this atomic bomb’.

“Then we’re too late”

We speak to the boy who points out Shchekavytsa on the Kyiv subway, one of the few safe places if an atomic bomb actually falls. But this traveler with the cheerful black crest doesn’t believe that: “Then we’ll be too late.

A few older ladies don’t think the subway will save them either. “We live way too far away from the subway. We just stay at home.”

Built as a shelter

The Kiev Metro opened in 1960, in the midst of the Cold War. The design allows for a nuclear attack. Arsenalna station is the deepest metro station in the world: it is more than a hundred meters underground.

All stations are equipped with thermal barriers, heavy doors that close ten minutes after a bomb is dropped. No one will be let in or out.

Volodymyr Samolichenko is the head of the civil defense of the Kiev Metropolitans. He firmly believes in the protection the stations offer. Strict regulations apply to the control. He dismisses the suggestion that the systems are outdated. “The older, the more reliable.” Samolichenko is a man with a rock-solid belief in Soviet technology.

“This station is completely self-sufficient for 48 hours. It has its own water and air supply,” he says. Those seeking protection must bring food with them to the stations.

3000 people on the platform

The subway network has 52 stations, most of which also serve as emergency shelters. Each station can accommodate about a thousand people. When Kyiv was attacked with normal rockets last Monday, 3,000 people took shelter at the Voksalna train station, three times more than allowed. “The subway will accommodate as many people as necessary,” said Svitlana Perederiy, the local station master, optimistically.

Perederiy is still amazed at how well Monday went. “Everyone was disciplined, orders were followed exactly.” But Perederiy also knows it shouldn’t have lasted much longer than the few hours the alarm was in effect. When the war started in February, people stayed on their platforms much longer. Tensions could then run high.

Perederiy doesn’t want to think about what a nuclear attack means. “We don’t want to experience that.” She shakes her head and looks away.

But the steadfast stationmaster in her dark blue uniform knows what to do when Kyiv is attacked with a nuclear weapon. After testing, she’ll be the first to go upstairs and see if the coast is clear.