Midwife says: “Some men ask if they can sew the woman closer after giving birth.”

I have always had a fascination with the female body and its ability to produce a new living being. I find it exciting to supervise the entire pregnancy process.

As a midwife you are present at one of the most important, if not the most important, moments in people’s lives.

It always strikes me: every couple is different and brings a different family setup. And yet it is always nice for everyone to introduce them to the new baby and prepare them for parenthood.

Still, there are some candidates – men, to be more precise – who have irritated me a lot in recent years. What bothers me most is that they don’t show the birthing women and the entire birthing process the respect they deserve.

‘YOUR WIFE JUST gave birth to a child!’ I think in these moments. There are so many men who don’t care about women’s pain. They are sitting comfortably in an armchair and are on their cell phone. Or they simply think a football match is more important. There are even those who play in the delivery room. They isolate themselves and chill. While the woman is in severe pain and – in most cases – wants the support of her partner.

Such behavior is not uncommon: from my experience, men are apathetic with every fourth birth.

But then it is the same men who constantly press the emergency button and say that we midwives have to help their women because they are in pain. I always think: “You can do something too and support your wife.” For many women, a massage can provide some relaxation.

But the worst are those who are rude to the hospital staff. It is only logical that a woman experiences pain during childbirth. And of course we midwives are there to relieve this pain. But we can’t take away all of women’s pain. There are always men who just don’t understand this. They think midwives and doctors are failing.

Stories I’ve heard: One man threw a chair at a midwife, another broke a glass table. In both cases the security service had to intervene. You don’t feel like yourself at all.

Women who have been circumcised also give birth here. In some cases, this means her vagina is stitched closer together. This seam bursts automatically during birth, or the doctor has to cut it, otherwise the child cannot come out.

After birth, the birth injury, i.e. the part that was torn off during birth, is sutured. For these women, we normally sew the vagina together, not as tightly as with circumcision. But still some men come and ask, “Can’t you sew it tighter again?” However, this rarely happens. But the very fact that it’s happening at all alienates me.

We always answer that this is not allowed in Switzerland. They often claim that they would go to another hospital. We always say that you could try that there, but we don’t and don’t know anyone who would do something like that.

I feel so sorry for the woman at times like this. Then I think: “Is that really your only problem now that your wife is in labor and in pain?”

After giving birth, the woman should not have sex for about six weeks. Ultimately, everything must be able to grow over. Shortly after giving birth, a man asked me in all seriousness: “But can you use the back entrance?”

Then I think to myself: “Let your wife recover for six weeks!”

During the birth there are occasional discussions between the couples. Many women tell their partners before giving birth that they want to give birth without an epidural, a powerful painkiller that is injected into the spinal cord. But during childbirth there is often an emergency and women decide to have an epidural inserted. There are always partners who say: ‘But you said you didn’t want that.’

I understand that the men are interfering and confused. But we often tell them that they now have to accept the woman’s decision. In such cases, it is important to have a postpartum debriefing so that it becomes clear why the woman has changed her mind and the man can understand this. This is fundamental to arbitration.

Childbirth can be the most beautiful and saddest thing people experience – in both cases I support the women. That’s what I love about my job. When it comes to sad events – miscarriages, stillbirths or unexpected disabilities – my work can also be demanding.

The saddest thing I have seen in my career is a woman who has had eight miscarriages. She was pregnant again. Everything looked good during the weekly checks. But in the 38th week of pregnancy, actually on the due date, she lost her child. In such cases, labor must still be induced and the woman must deliver the child.

As a midwife I suffer a lot. ‘Why wasn’t this child performed by caesarean section a week earlier?’ These are the questions I asked myself. But I have to learn to deal with that and say, “I did my best.”

This case strengthens my belief that I would always choose to become a midwife. Because I want to support and help women in this way.