The message I never wanted

First: Big Ben? is that your name? Wow. WOW. But do what you want and how you want. Only: shorten your sentences! The community is absolutely right, it is absolutely overwhelming if you want to read and especially understand your lines without a full stop but with an extra number of commas. You can do better! Make a little effort.

But I also know how you are: you’re a “now more than ever” type. If someone says to you please stop, you keep going out of spite. You hate it when someone makes demands. That immediately constricts you. How many times have I heard you say: “Let everyone do what they want and leave me alone!” Your concept does not include the fact that the wishes of others can include you.

But I am not writing to you because of your writing style. i’m writing to you because You wrote I was surprised, then disappointed, now angry. I discovered the column by chance and for a long time thought it was a coincidence that there were so many parallels. An accident! You didn’t even bother to hide my identity! I mean living on the bi coast, first immigrated to bali, dating a lawyer. Can’t you think of at least one other job for him? You also add one or two sisters – he has only two, dear community, not three, not four, but two – and you do not reveal where you live or what your job is. But you didn’t do it for me? With me, did you feel committed to the truth? Why? Because I live abroad?

Am I really that far away? Are you actually okay with never seeing me again? Shall we summarize everything you said to me on those two nights we saw each other? I don’t know why you don’t write about this? What makes you so at odds with anything that has anything to do with relationships and love? You had what I think was a perfect childhood, what went wrong that you have such serious bonding issues?

Your analysis of your inner workings was pathetic! For a 13-year-old, it would have been half acceptable, but you’re 36. In case you want to know what I’m thinking, you panic that you might not be as cold as you always pretend.

I remember you telling me once that you just “couldn’t feel that strong”. I believed you. There was no other way I could explain why you could give away what we had. Even then we were both old enough to know that you don’t come across that often. In any case, what calms me down when I read your texts: you understood it just as well then as you do now.

But what good is it if you’re a coward like you? Until I read your texts I was hoping maybe you had changed. Because you were different the last time we saw each other. Because you can be different. Different from then and different from you are when we don’t see each other. There were always these two versions of you. The one you experience when you are with you. The other if one is not right in front of you. I never liked the latter.

The more I read, the smaller my hopes became. that’s how you want to be You want to be who you write you are. I would never want a man like the man you describe. Nobody would want that.

My message makes no sense. You don’t have to answer me. I also know that with these lines I’m burying even the slightest possibility that one day I’ll be more than just a star in your life.

You are welcome to use them for your blog. One way or another you will have to explain why our story ended. And you prefer to explain it in my words than in your endlessly long frame sentences that no one understands.