“I seriously wonder if I still have all the cups in the cupboard”

Hello all,

I have been with my boyfriend for more than 5 years. We’ve kind of lost each other over the past year, I feel less valued as a person and it annoys me when he wants to sleep with me, even though there’s clearly a lack of closeness right now.

He always says that he is completely sure of me and that I am the one for him. Yet he doesn’t seek a conversation with me and almost blocks my attempts à la “I’m just like that” or “maybe I’m not the right one for you”.

Now, about a year ago, I started to spend more time with a fellow student who happened to move to the same city as me. Two months ago, he told me he loves hanging out with me, but he doesn’t want to put a stake between my boyfriend and me.

In the beginning we spent less time, but that didn’t do us any good and after that the contact became more intensive again. Yesterday he moved to another city and we both cried a lot to say goodbye and then kissed briefly. After that we immediately broke off contact because I know that I cannot let go of the relationship with my boyfriend yet and my fellow student knows that too and wants to give himself and me space or distance.

The night after I told my boyfriend about the kiss and the loss of contact (reaction, rightly, anger, sadness, shock, etc.), but I don’t know how to proceed and how can I feel so paradoxical? One kisses but with the other clearly see the future, how is that possible?

I seriously wonder if I still have all the cups in the cupboard. My feelings are so confused and I am ashamed to the bone. Maybe you can think of some wise words.

Thank you and best regards,
Frieda

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