“There is no special place reserved for your opinion in the universe.”

And in the end it’s all just shouting. But if a conversation is to be more than an attempt at persuasion, but rather an attempt to truly understand the other person and understand his/her attitude, then that means work – work on your own attitude. It is not easy.

But: there are tricks.

Reto U. Schneider is a journalist at “NZZ Folio”. In his book “The Art of Intelligent Debate” he has listed the most important requirements for good discussions. Here are his findings.

“How a conversation proceeds depends on the goal of those involved. If your goal is to convince the other person, we are already at the first problem: why wouldn’t the other person have exactly the same thing in mind? The prerequisite for the success of this conversation should be that everyone also pursues the goal of persuasion – and that is rarely the case.

The reason for this is that we all feel that we see the world objectively and that our opinions are the result of this objective view. So if our interlocutor has a different opinion, she is obviously unable to perceive the world as it is. In our opinion, the only reasonable reasons for a disagreement are that the other person is either too stupid to understand the matter or that he or she is up to something.

Another possible explanation is that the other person has been indoctrinated: “She just grew up there,” “He just spends a lot of time with people who think that way.” The paradox of this argument is that we all grew up somewhere. For ourselves, however, we interpret this influence as a positive, inspiring source for an opinion we have today – for our colleagues we speak of indoctrination.

The assumption that the right arguments can lead someone with a different opinion to the “right path” almost always turns out to be incorrect. How many times have you heard the other side say, “Logically, you’re right” after a strong argument? Practically never.

We live under the illusion that our own worldview views are based on a sober assessment of facts. We form many opinions long before we know any facts about them. Only then will we look for arguments that match our opinion. Later we convince ourselves that the order was reversed: the facts came first and only then did the opinion arise.

The so-called ‘confirmation bias’ is about choosing those facts that further strengthen and support our existing opinion. There are experiments that show that people are willing to pay money to avoid reading another, differing opinion. Why is it like that? According to the general definition, an opinion is based on an objective assessment of knowledge and information. But if that were really the case, there would be no reason why we couldn’t simply accept other opinions.

This is where another reason comes into play that makes it difficult for us humans to deal with opinions: opinions shape identity. We don’t have an opinion on a subject because we have been working on it for an incredibly long time, but because we want to use it to express who we are and which group we belong to.

However, you should not let your own identity determine which highway speed limit you vote for and whether you are for or against nuclear power plants. Identity should be defined by values ​​such as justice, freedom or the like. These values ​​can also differ from person to person. Then a conflict of values ​​arises, a real conflict worth discussing.

You might think that nothing is as relaxing as not having an opinion about everything. However, there is another danger: for example, anyone who feels overwhelmed by the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and finds it difficult to form an opinion due to the complexity of the subject will quickly be portrayed as lacking solidarity or ignorance . The internet and especially social media have fundamentally changed the discourse in this area: on Twitter and the like, extreme opinions are rewarded by the algorithm and shown more often than more moderate opinions.

This contributes to the fact that the position of an interlocutor is often perceived as more extreme than it actually is. Many studies show that people often make this mistake. When you talk to people, you should never assume that you know their position based on the party they vote for or the institution they belong to. You should always ask people for their opinion. Especially when you broach sensitive topics, you are often surprised at how differentiated the other person’s opinion actually is.

If you want to convince your loved ones of a political position, I recommend lowering your expectations. Forget that you can convince anyone to go vegan or donate money with facts. Those who have low expectations are less likely to be disappointed. Opinions are like tankers: they take time to turn around. Perhaps the day after a conversation, your loved ones will think about what you said again. But it is unlikely that they will immediately agree with you and throw out their own opinion.

But there are some interesting questions that can be asked in discussions:

This makes people wonder how they arrived at their opinions. If they can’t find an answer, their position is more of a belief than an opinion. Unlike a belief, an opinion must be able to change as new facts become known.

This means that the other person has to put themselves in my shoes. Maybe it will be said: ‘You’re still young, I once thought so too.’ So you see that the different opinions are based on a different life story or a different worldview. That might open up the discussion a bit.

“If you could travel five years into the future and find that your opinion turned out to be wrong, what consequences would that have for the world?” There are opinions with strong and less strong effects. This question may cause you to defend a position less vehemently, because you realize that an opinion always reflects only the provisional state of ignorance.

Of course, you should assume that your conversation partner will also ask you these three questions, because it takes some getting used to: There is no special place reserved for your opinion in the universe.»

Recorded by Anna Böhler