Back to your ex? Why many singles suddenly come up with this idea in the fall

In autumn, not only is there a risk of slipping on wet leaves, but also some people, especially single people, suddenly become emotionally unstable. The phenomenon is well known: As the days get darker and the temperatures get lower, we feel lonelier again. Many then retreat to the living room and long for reliable cuddling partners.

Thoughts about the ex-relationship, which seemed full of self-confidence at midsummer parties (“She didn’t deserve me at all! I can do very well without him/her”), suddenly become more and more subdued at home on the couch (“Or was: “Isn’t it my debt? Actually, I could get in touch…”).

However, it is precisely this emotional misstep that Dr. Caroline West. She is a certified sex and relationship counselor with a feminist approach and also advises the dating app Bumble.

“It can be tempting to get back with an ex when winter arrives,” says the expert, who lives and teaches in Dublin. The dark season is also called cuffing season, because people want to rebuild their bond with each other in the fall. When it’s raining or snowing outside and the holidays are approaching, you just want to make it “comfortable” at home again, as they say in Northern Germany.

Who could be better suited for this than a past love? After all, you already know this person, trust him and ideally still appreciate him. The attraction was there at least once and the number is still saved in the phone. How practical!

However, Caroline West expressly warns against returning out of sheer convenience:

After all, there was usually a problem that caused the breakup, and just because it seems far away doesn’t mean it’s resolved. Was there infidelity? Disrespectful? Completely different needs? Then you shouldn’t just ignore it, because it would be so comfortable to have someone again.

It would just fall on your feet anyway, West believes. “Settling for less than you actually want may be a short-term solution, but in the long term it usually doesn’t feel good,” the relationship therapist warns.

Old wounds can reopen and a painful vicious circle can be set in motion again. But above all, the ‘endless terror’ stands in the way of new happiness in love, which may be the better option.

Autumn, even if it is destined for that, should not be used to warm up cold bedtime stories, but rather to consciously break away from it – both emotionally and materially. Caroline West adds:

This tidying up helps with saying goodbye and makes it easier to make a romantic new start in the dating world. A rainy Sunday is actually a good time to put old love letters and photo frames in the basement and make room for new dating stories and new experiences.

“After you actively free the people around you from the past, you often feel stronger, more confident and more open to getting to know someone new,” the expert concludes.

And who knows, there may be someone among the other singles on the dating market who wants to make themselves as comfortable as you are right now…