New time together: How retirement changes the relationship

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Probably the biggest change that comes with retirement is the free time you gain. Many seniors are starting a new hobby, spending more time with their grandchildren, or meeting old friends. However, in this new phase of life, the dynamics of the relationship also deteriorate.

Especially if your partner is retiring at the same time as you, this means you’ll be spending a lot of new time together. The couple, who previously only saw each other in the evenings or on weekends, can now have the whole day to themselves. This may cause conflicts. Couples therapist and Parship consultant Eric Hegmann, 56, explains to Blick how a couple can navigate these changes.

Communicate respectfully

Since it’s rare for both partners to experience the transition to retirement at the same time, the relationship expert says what’s needed above all is a lot of understanding. “Retirement reverses previous structures and rituals. You therefore need a lot of patience and understanding towards each other and, above all, respect for the different nature of your partner’s new needs. “He may suddenly take up a new hobby or become depressed and not know what to do with the new time,” says Hegmann.

According to Hegmann, the need for closeness and distance can also change completely. “Couples who have not yet learned not only to express their different wishes on an equal basis but also to negotiate them may need to take private lessons.” Many couples come to couples therapists when one partner’s retirement has caused so much disruption that their current tools are no longer adequate and they need new ones.

Shared values ​​are the be-all and end-all

When it comes to different but equal needs, “If you really loved me, you would feel the same way I do!” Thinking like this is probably the biggest mistake. This attitude makes the relationship questionable. Later, according to the couples therapist, the smallest problems can lead to extremely complex emotional conflicts and questions like “Are we really compatible?” It can turn into questions like: or “Do we have to break up now?” The question comes to the fore. “Couples may discover that they are actually much more different than they thought. Then, in couples therapy, you can explore how these differences can enrich the relationship.

Common values ​​are extremely important for the relationship to continue during retirement. It helps if both partners develop goals together before retirement about what they want to accomplish together in retirement. “It doesn’t seem to matter what it is, as long as both partners are willing to do it. Whether it is growing wine in Tuscany or beekeeping in Tenerife; The important thing is to have an impulse that can carry both of them together.” Because, according to the expert, boredom at this stage of life is poison for the brain, body and love.

Source : Blick