Why men with little hair should not use gel

Watson’s office is just steps away from the Prime Tower. That’s why you always see one or the other smart gentleman here in the neighborhood. And recently there was a particularly interesting example in front of me at the traffic light: with premium leather oxfords, a tailored suit and a matching scarf.

Although: he probably tells Shawl the latter. Yes, this gentleman, I estimate him in his mid-thirties, belongs to the scarves category. He certainly has a rehearsed wine tasting up his sleeve. With few slurping sounds: flurschllüschlüsch, sügggsüggsüggg, njättnjättnjätt.

Anyway. The young man’s sense of style was impressive.

But then that, about the ears. A red ice floe with almost no vegetation – like a California hill after a forest fire. A few trees remind us that there used to be a well-kept forest here. The remaining crippled wood bends grotesquely in all directions, welded together by a sticky something.

It is a typical case of too much gel on too little hair. No scarf can rectify that anymore, the overall picture is ruined. And the real problem isn’t even the “look”. The problems lie deeper.

What does matted, thin hair say about the wearer? First, that the owner is dissatisfied with the current state. If he was happy he would leave it as it is. But the gel unequivocally communicates: I would like a straight haircut.

Fine. Totally okay. Furry desires are paramount. And finally, we live in a time where everyone should be able to communicate their needs openly without being judged for it. So the problem is not showing a desire. The problem is its incompetent handling.

Gel in thin hair does not improve the situation – on the contrary. It bundles the already not very numerous hairs and makes them look even sparse. In addition, it gives them and the underlying scalp a shine. This magically attracts glances. Instead of confidently sweeping the problem under the carpet, it is dragged into the spotlight – a classic case of making things worse.

But what are the alternatives? The best and, above all, the cheapest option is to accept the nudity on the skull as soon as possible. As is known, true greatness is revealed in defeat. Yes, you would love to have a swinging quiff, but you can’t. So don’t be a baby, life goes on without a teddy bear. Bruce Willis and Jason Statham hit the manhood jackpot even without her. And you can too.

The much worse, but still second best option is not to admit defeat, but to actually pull out the big guns, which is to visit Wayne Rooney’s doctor. He will then surgically implant hair in your skull for a lot of money. Rooney may not have a Scottish Highland cattle wool today, but he does have something of a hairdo. It should be enough.

More important than the actual head of hair, Rooney, despite the ridicule, showed determination. Determination is sexy. Gel, on the other hand, is weak – a pure mock solution that quickly turns out to be very useless.

By the way: there is a female counterpart to «gel in thin hair». It’s an attempt to hide thin lips behind the brightest possible lipstick. But that’s another time. Back to the Light and Shawl-Man. He chose neither the best nor the second best solution, but the worst. And that says a lot about his problem-solving ability. Can one entrust one’s wealth to such a person? A lawsuit? The real estate? The wardrobe shyly says yes. The gel roars deafeningly no. Isn’t that exactly the kind of man who tries to draw water from a pan of burning oil?

If only he had just waited at the traffic light with a really ultra-short haircut. Then I could have spared myself these thoughts here. And then I might have taken the Flürschlüschsügggsügg from him to the wine tasting.