When parents post photos of children: the psychological consequences can be fatal

Do you want to be photographed applying sunscreen and slathering it all in your hair? Would you like it if your current employer saw the video of you chattering in fantasy English while picking lint from your toes?

What we find funny today could be quite embarrassing to the little people around us in a few years. Worse still, the audio, video and photo recordings of them could expose them to harassment, pedocrimination or identity theft through AI and deep fakes.

As part of the #ShareWithCare awareness campaign, Deutsche Telekom has invited a panel of experts in the field of children’s photos on the Internet and their conclusion is clear: Society must become more sensitive when it comes to images of children, also known as ‘sharenting’.

According to the accompanying Telekom survey, 86 percent of parents in Germany share photos and videos of their children (0 to 14 years old) online. 70 percent of parents share photos or videos of their children under the age of five via messenger services at least once a week.

Experts warn against ‘sharing’

But not only parents, but also friends, grandparents, uncles and aunts should stop publicly posting children’s photos and be careful with whom and through which courier service the photos are sent, according to the experts, as well as prosecutors and experts for Cyber ​​crime Markus Hartmann warned the group.

On the one hand, the campaign is about protecting children from crime. On the other hand, the house is also a safe space for children where they can be unsupervised.

Using the ubiquitous smartphone to document and share private moments straight from the nursery with the world is an extreme breach of trust. Psychologist Elisabeth Raffau in particular warned against this.

She works in a parenting advice center in Cologne and reported on practical examples, proud parents and insecure children. Watson records her call here as part of the campaign.

“We know that the feeling of shame arises early. Very, very small children already have a sense of shame. And there are things on the internet that you can actually be ashamed of, even if as a small child you don’t yet understand exactly what that means. At the latest when you realize it, the shame comes.

First of all, it is parental pride

When I asked what I experienced, I immediately thought of a father who came to the practice with his three or four year old daughter. And the father showed me very proudly: ‘I have now made a video channel with my daughter and I always film her when she paints and when she writes and so on, everything she does.’

And they both sat there and somehow they were both proud. The father about his daughter and the daughter about the fact that she receives so much attention and has a joint project with the father.

This is one of those questions: why do parents actually do this? This could start as a joint project, which is kind of fun. We have time together, we do things together. And then you may notice that you get clicks and that of course promotes your ambition. (…)

Parents should and may be proud of their children. Only at a certain point does that change.(…) On Instagram you sometimes have the feeling that the children are in the spotlight and that mothers and fathers actually want recognition for the appearance or actions of their children. This is a kind of confirmation for the parents and it is actually no longer about the children.

Representation of vulnerable moments

In some videos and photos, parents also make jokes at the expense of the children. Then some embarrassing things will be shown, maybe it will be shown what a difficult child I have: ‘Look how hard it is for me and how well I am doing.’ And it’s not about the kids either.

An example of this came to mind: a year or two ago, a journalist was invited to a talk show who had created a YouTube channel with his autistic daughter. The television program also showed an excerpt from these YouTube videos that he regularly posts. And the example was this girl, six years old, who ran around the apartment crying, her father followed him with the camera, and in the end they both lay in bed completely exhausted.

Because I was so upset about it, I wrote to the talk show that I was very shocked by it and what they would imagine if this girl came to school and another child said: ‘You, we always watch the videos you – my mother and I – and we’re laughing our heads off.’ (…)

There was also an example of an eight-year-old who was always playing with toys and her parents posted it online. It started innocently and then a toy company got in touch; They received toys as gifts and there were videos that were viewed millions of times every day.

But there were also toys that had to be played with in the bath or swimming pool. These videos received twice as many views as the others. It went so far and was so successful that the father gave up his job and this eight-year-old was able to support the family.

The children feel: I am being used

Now the question is: what does this do to the children? The children are of course torn. They are ambivalent. On the one hand, they are proud, they receive attention and a joint project with their parents.

Sometimes you see this on the street, some children have already really practiced posing. When parents take pictures of their children, they immediately pose. So: It’s about me! And you can then observe, when attention suddenly disappears, that they collapse. (…)

In addition to their pride and the attention they receive, the children also feel: it is not about me at all. And they feel used. And somehow they also feel: there is something wrong with my parents’ attention. (…)

Because it’s really about them as goods. The parents benefit from it and possibly the money too. And the child learns: I mainly get attention when I offer something in return. So it’s never real and you can’t really trust anyone. Parents have an ulterior motive when they play with you. (…)

People who know the child in his environment also look at this, see the half-naked children’s bodies from an adult, sexual perspective and may become aroused by it. The child cannot decide for himself. And that is actually the annoying thing, that the children get the feeling: (…) My body and my will are not mine.

Correct handling of children’s photos

Now I come to the question: How should parents actually behave? Obviously, you shouldn’t post anything about the children publicly online. (…)

As parents, as grandparents, as friends, we must honestly ask ourselves: what is actually in my interest if I take photos of my child, my grandchild or friends and put them on the internet? What do I care about?

If I think honestly and at the same time respect the integrity of the child, that is the best protection for the children.»