“Support Your Child’s Will”

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You are error prone. Or better yet, you’re using the wrong term. Your child is not in a “defying phase” but is discovering his will and learning to express it. You must support and encourage him. But by dismissing his assertive behavior as defiance, that is, annoying behavior for no reason, you let him know that his opinion does not matter – a fatal message for his later life.

And before everyone now screams that life is not a concert by request and that a four-year-old child does not need to decide what happens: that’s not the point. It’s about taking our children seriously as human beings and appreciating their needs as such, even if they sometimes don’t suit us. After all, it’s not our children’s fault that we fathered them. It was our idea. We got up
therefore, in a certain debt to their will and their views.

This doesn’t mean that your son is now the boss and you are submissive – it just means that you make him feel heard and respected when he doesn’t want something. If you offer him an alternative, he can choose (you don’t have to tell him that both alternatives lead to the same result). And just let him get his way from time to time. If he wants to go out barefoot in the rain, he must feel that his feet are cold, and the shoes are not so stupid.

If you consciously give in on a regular basis, your son will also be more likely to cooperate when you need to assert yourself. His “no” is ultimately a “yes” to your relationship with him and your relationship with yourself. Show him that he has the right to say no. This will help him a lot in the future.

Source: Blick