In the best company

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Like Esti. “I’m not alone,” she says. “I’m part of a community. And I don’t live alone – I live in the best company. With me.” The only thing that worries her is the constant questions. Why does she live alone. Why doesn’t she have children. Why is she not active on any online dating site. “That’s been my whole life,” she sighs. It all started with the fact that at a family holiday she was asked how many children she wants to have when she grows up. Esti is younger than me, but like me, she grew up in Switzerland. We found it normal that only boys were asked about their career aspirations. “None,” Esther said confidently. “I don’t have time, I want to be the boss!”

This response provoked a serious family crisis, so since then, for simplicity, she has claimed that she wants two children, a boy and a girl, in that order. This would seem to be the accepted standard response. But in fact, she had very different plans. She wisely kept it to herself. After completing her apprenticeship, she began to travel, eventually getting stuck in the Bay Area. She had a vegetarian restaurant and later a cooking school, today she cooks with schoolchildren and the homeless. And since a cook is called a “cook” in America, she also achieved this goal in life.

She had several great loves, men and women, but she never married. For her, not being married was more of an issue than gender. “Even if you live with someone for twenty years, it somehow doesn’t count if you’re not married.” And it leads to questions. Even from strangers. They are worded a little differently than they were in childhood, but stem from the same fallacy: that there is only one way to be happy. That there is only one kind of love, romantic, and only one community, the biological family.

Esti is a combative nature, she often asks in response: “Why did you want to have children so much? How did you know that you would be a good mom? Why do you always scold your husband, you don’t love him at all? Why did you get married because of tax savings?” She knows how to defend herself, but why should she defend herself? Why would she constantly justify her life, which she enjoys to the fullest?

When I met her eight years ago, she was still in mourning. Her partner had been ill for a long time and died about six months ago. I remember how intensely she questioned me about my relationship with Victor at that time. It was almost like an interrogation. But I felt that it was not about me, that she should come up with something herself.

“At that time, I was sure that I would fall in love again. I think I wanted to know if it was possible and how long it would take.” Because Victor also lost his longtime partner six years before we fell in love. “But when I was halfway above the water again, I realized that I was not missing anything. I saw how beautiful my life is. How full. How done.” If romantic love knocks on her door again, she will say, “Welcome!” But she almost never thinks about it. She doesn’t miss anything.
“Except that I can live my life the way I want.”

Esti, I can hear you.

Source: Blick