Why should she allow herself to be criticized? Apparently, she is a real tyrant and only acts consistently when she makes it clear to you who is in charge here. We all have a little Putin or a little Putina in our family and in our immediate environment. Apparently, this is your copy.
The question is not how to change this person. Such an undertaking is always pointless, especially with an alarmingly large number of private despots who consider themselves and their tyranny really great. The question is rather how do you feel about this problem.
1. You can convince yourself that this woman is right about the interference argument and stop her. With this you would establish a kind of peace. But do you really want to show female terrorists that terror works? And what is the real world?
2. You can say: “You are right, I am interfering with your upbringing. But this is not parenting, this is child abuse, and my intervention is my moral duty.” This would lead you to a wild scandal, for which you would need to prepare your arguments well. But it would be in the best interest of this child.
Where is the limit for you? Should this woman put out cigarettes in her son’s hand so that they fall into her hand? Why are you so afraid of obvious psychoterror that you say something every now and then, but not so much as to, for example, threaten you with a report on the danger to the CESB?
This woman seems overwhelmed by the task of providing a loving, safe home for her baby and needs help. It’s up to you to make her understand this and make things change. And fast.