Partner for security, romance for eroticism – Meyer advises: you have become selfish

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No wonder: you constantly have to lie, persuade, moderate your feelings and hush up the fact that you have been cheating on your partner for years. It must be extremely difficult and painful.

In fact, you are doing well: you have the security of a long-term relationship and the eroticism of an affair. All your needs are covered. Not with one person, but with two, and with all the difficulties that this separation brings with it – but the balance still seems acceptable to you. As for your lover: she suffers from the humiliation of secrecy, but this is the price she is willing to pay to maintain her naive desire to get more from this affair.

Our motives are often not particularly noble. We want recognition. We want sex. We don’t want to be alone. We don’t want difficult conversations. We do not want any changes and, especially, no refusals. For all this we go very far. And in doing so we cross many borders.

Obviously, you don’t really want to be with either woman, otherwise the other wouldn’t exist. You just want to benefit from both relationships, and how you and these women feel about it doesn’t seem to matter to you. This involves significant numbness, aloofness and harshness. You have become selfish.

Deep down, you know the right thing to do is to let them both go, because you don’t love and ultimately respect either of them. But simply: We don’t want to be alone, no changes and no sacrifices. However, all this is sometimes necessary in order to feel yourself again. And to be able to look in the mirror again and say, “You’re doing everything right.”

Source: Blick