Women, we need to talk!

Actually, I wanted to write about blowjobs. If I already have this platform, then other men should also benefit from it. So wanted to hand out a few tips, do a little mansplaining, wait for the shitstorm. Or at least the whole blah blah of “Everyone! Are! Different!” read. Are we. But then not.

But now I’ve changed my mind. Because I think if we don’t look at some fundamental issues between men and women, the blowjobs won’t work anyway. Then things go wrong.

Hanna is to blame for my change of heart. We were at her house last Friday night, she baked some things, I drank beer on her wooden bench in the kitchen. She told me about a man she had been telling me about for a while. Not often, but every now and then. It was never really there, but it never really goes away either. It shoots up like a weed over and over again. I thought nothing works because the guy just doesn’t want to. But since that Friday I’ve had some more information and I’m not so sure about my thesis anymore.

Hanna says that while she thinks he’s interested in her, she’s not entirely sure. Because if he was, he would have made a move at some point. There would have been plenty of opportunities. “Once he got to my place, he took something and came up for a glass of wine. Everything was great. Good conversation, great atmosphere. He stayed for four hours. But he didn’t move! I think logically: he was just not interested. Otherwise he would have done something. He can imagine that I like him. Otherwise I wouldn’t invite him for a glass of wine.”

Another situation: “He asks if we go for a drink. We go for a drink and I tell me to get up early the next day. He escorts me to the bus station. He makes no move to come to me. It was only 9 p.m.!”

“When I write to him sometimes he doesn’t read the message for hours! Don’t do that if you’re interested! He didn’t come to the New Year’s party either, even though I invited him. And when we were half settled, not really, but we got talking about it, he writes in the afternoon that he is having a very bad week and is therefore extremely tired. Can we meet another evening?” I ask why she never said or did anything. That would only scare him off. Men want to hunt, it is always said. And anyway: «I gave him signs! You could clearly see that I want that. I couldn’t be clearer!”

Okay, and here, ladies, and I’m talking in the plural because Hanna told me that all her friends agreed, that she was clear, and that if he really wanted something, he should have grabbed her. And besides, if you don’t want to, you’re done, everyone would say, and therefore, dear women, we must speak.

It is quite possible that Hanna’s husband is shy. Side note: Most men I know are shy. But even if he’s not shy, he might just be a decent guy. He’s read all about #metoo and doesn’t want a woman to feel uncomfortable. Don’t want to pressure her, don’t want to push herself.

For example, I would never, ever “just grab a woman” if I wasn’t sure she wanted it. Does that mean I don’t find her attractive? Absolutely not. But I have sisters and I know women like Hanna who… okay, Hanna isn’t a good example right now, but I would never do anything that I wasn’t sure the woman would want to do. I’m having an affair or I’m in a relationship, purely hypothetically, it’s not happening to me, then everything is different. Then I know that I can, can and should do it. Even if we already had something, different story. But without history? No

I’m not saying I need written permission, but we men have become cautious. Which is absolutely right, don’t get me wrong. But if you expect a more or less modern, emancipated man to “just grab you,” good luck, you’re waiting a long time.

You say you are tired on a date. Then you can’t wait for us to come to your home! First, we think you’re tired. And second, we respect that I’m sure there are men who think that’s why the woman isn’t interested. But I’d say most just think, well that’s too bad, that woman is tired.

Sometimes we don’t look at messages because we want to see them on the lock screen and then take the time to reply. Not because we’re not interested! It simply has nothing to do with each other.

When you throw a party and invite us, you don’t feel so special when you’re invited. This is not the clearest of all signs.

And if we have a bad week and we’re done, we’re done and we don’t want to waste your time. In fact, I’d say if there’s more interest, I’m more likely to turn it down if I know I can’t perform. I don’t care what I look like, I tend to drag myself into the date.

Therefore: 90% of men don’t check your “obvious” signs. And that hunting is also nonsense. Only idiots want to hunt. Everyone else doesn’t run after a woman.

And finally the last misconception: it doesn’t scare us if you make a move. On the contrary. I would even say that in 9 out of 10, oh what am I saying, in 10 out of 10 cases you would end up with it.

That’s all I have to say.

as long as

Big Ben