How do I leave correctly?

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What should I pay attention to when leaving?

Psychotherapist and sexologist Dania Schiftan says honesty is the most important thing: “Phrases like ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ are nice but out of place.” The sex and dating specialist runs his own practice in Zurich. Even if the truth hurts you, it is important and fair to express it to your partner. Schiftan advises: Think about why you’re leaving and convey that reason to your partner. He also emphasizes: “You must learn to confront your partner’s feelings, even if they are uncomfortable.” According to the expert, everyone has the right to own their emotions, whether it’s anger or sadness.

What should I avoid in a breakup?

Don’t lie to the other person. Say what’s bothering you face to face, not via Whatsapp or Instagram. But your explanation shouldn’t sound like you learned by heart, otherwise the dumped person won’t feel taken seriously. Schiftan also warns: “It’s not fair to be offended by the bites. You can’t leave and expect your ex to always be there to help and advise.”

Can I be friends with my ex?

“Of course! Very close friendships can develop out of a relationship,” says relationship expert Schiftan. However, it’s important to give the other person pauses and accept distance. Be prepared that you won’t be friends right after a breakup. Still, Schiftan says, “Even if the other person is angry, upset, and offended, You don’t have to put up with everything.” Insults are unnecessary, and so are conversations that don’t end for several weeks: at some point, everything will be said.

Where should you leave?

The conversation must go on, at least in real terms: Take a walk! The movement ensures that the tension does not settle in the body, thereby increasing it even more. Maybe take a quieter route at the edge of the forest or in the park. Thus, the abandoned person can calmly express his feelings, cry. Another advantage of walking: You don’t have to look at each other all the time. This can ease the situation.

Is there a right time to leave?

According to a Facebook statistic, most couples break up on December 11. But Dania Schiftan is sure: There’s no perfect time to break up, she’s already hurting. “Don’t break up on the anniversary of your spouse’s grandfather’s death, but overall I recommend: finish it,” Schiftan says. The other person also realizes that something is wrong, and waiting causes even more pain. It’s like a plaster: “Tear it off. It hurts, but it’s a short pain.”

Are we leaving today differently than in the past?

Technically, 20 years ago you had other options to leave. However, ghosting (suddenly breaking contact) or parting by SMS was absolutely impossible. It looks completely different today: more than one in four Germans has already been abandoned by SMS, according to a survey by the German telecommunications industry association (Bitkom). It’s even 40 percent among 16- to 29-year-olds. Schiftan sees a problem here: “Because of the time-delayed communication over the mobile phone, you can think of your reaction better. We are no longer used to confronting emotions directly,” says the psychotherapist and sexologist. This also has its advantages, but it’s not fair, especially when it comes to separation.

Are there “disengagement tendencies”?

Conscious breakup is popular with celebrity couples like Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin. The term describes a five-step process where partners are carefully and lovingly separated from each other. With the help of various advice books, you should find emotional peace together, regain self-control, and build a life together after a breakup. But what’s the difference in separating in “bits”? “Conscious disengagement is much more compromise-based, it’s conscious dissociation,” says psychotherapist Schiftan. It’s a nice way to end the relationship.

Source : Blick