“Secrets isolate us”

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Blick: Mr. Slepian, why is it so hard to reveal private secrets to someone?
Michael Slepian: We fear unpleasant consequences or someone else thinking about us if we come out. But if we don’t share our secrets about ourselves with anyone, it can be detrimental to our health.

how?
Secrets isolate us. They burden us so much that we often withdraw.

What kind of secrets burden us the most?
Secrets about financial hardship, sexual desire, mental health issues, or the person’s family history. But the lies we used to tell can also be very sad. On average, each of us has five such secrets. It would be important for us to talk to someone about him.

Who do we trust most with such a secret? -also
Preferably the people affected by it. If we don’t have the heart to do that, we can talk about it with someone who is not involved but can empathize. Some people go to a psychologist to talk about secrets. Others trust a good friend or hairdresser they see only once every two months. Everyone has to decide for himself who to turn to. Experience has shown that no matter who is told, almost no one regrets giving their secrets to others.

Why?
When you trust someone, it sends the message: I trust you understand me and will help me.

When should you reveal a secret?
As early as possible. We must try to be proactive as we work towards the right timing. For example, by forewarning the other person and saying that we need to talk about something when the opportunity arises. While it may be uncomfortable, it’s a better choice than rushing the other person by surprise, or worse yet, spilling a secret in an emotional argument.

What if we can’t convince ourselves to start one?
We can write secrets in a diary. But this only works if we try to bring new perspectives to the problem. We have to ask ourselves: is it really that bad? What would others recommend to me? If we write only what we have experienced and what we hide, we will repeat our negative thoughts without question. The diary is a reminder of one’s own suffering. This is of no use to anyone.

You know that sharing secrets from personal experience works, as you did in your latest nonfiction book. to write.
My parents didn’t tell me for a long time that I was born with a sperm donation and that my biological father was someone I didn’t know. I was shocked when I found out in my mid-twenties. And for my family, the burden of this secret must be enormous. Telling me saved him from that. And our family relationship has not deteriorated in any way because of it.

Source : Blick