Brace yourself! Emma and Sandro let their parents loose on each other!

Sandro playing the piano is one of the best things that could happen to our debate culture. When we get into a fight and Sandro feels it’s his place to apologize, he takes off his T-shirt, sits down at the piano and plays Tracy Chapman’s Baby Can I Hold You.

Then 99 percent of the time it doesn’t matter what he did. If he plays topless, I’ll soon be topless too. So much for our makeup sex foreplay.

But today it’s not about sex. Today we get started.

Twice a year Sandro plays a piano concerto in a small group. One concert is for the family. The other for good friends.

I used to occasionally go to the Friends concert.

Now I must/may go to the family concert. But Sandro doesn’t just invite me. He also wants my parents to be there.

As a reminder, my dad Bruno is great. A free spirit. Former Philo. My father smoked a lot of weed and seduced a lot of women. Until he met my mother. Who didn’t want him forever, he then moved heaven and earth until she wanted to.

The result is almost 50 years of marriage and me.

These almost 50 years have passed and are still passing with many ups and only a few downs. My parents, that is the greatest love. If Sandro and I are doing half as well, we’re still in love with MDMA.

Sandro’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Fischer, I am not allowed to use the first form, have also been married for over 40 years. 39.5 of which they are mostly silent. Or being passive-aggressive. Or he explains the world to her while she remains in the victim position and is sure that a.) the whole world is against her, b.) she has many diseases and c.) I want to take her boy away from her .

In addition: Mr. and Mrs. Fischer logically vote right. They call it “middle right”. That is not true.

My parents, but especially dad Bruno, is a hippie in heart and soul. It would also be a mockery if I talked about the centre-left. It is actually a miracle that he has not yet founded a party that advocates for love, peace and grass.

So on a Thursday, the big summit meeting takes place in a small, dark basement.

Mrs. Fischer wears a foulard, trousers with colorful pleats and a white blouse. Herr Fischer jeans and blazer.

Bruno, I’m not proud of it, cargo pants and the t-shirt of his favorite football club. A rather worn leather jacket over it. My mother comes in a little black dress, high boots, red lips.

Bruno greets Mrs. Fischer the way my father greets people: he hugs her warmly, slaps her on the shoulder a little too hard, introduces himself by her first name and hugs her again.

An intolerable situation for Mrs. Fischer.

My mother is a bit more reserved. This is expressed in such a way that she shakes hands with Mr. Fischer and introduces herself by her first name, after which nothing happens at all. The two are silent.

The thing is gone.

Not for Bruno. He wants to throw a round of beer for everyone present. The Fischers don’t drink beer. Except Sandra. So Bruno and Sandro drink. And Bruno hugs Sandro and tells Mrs. Fischer how nice it is that his daughter and her son have finally found each other after so many years of casual sex.

He really just said that about casual sex.

Sandro once told him when he was drunk.

I take him aside to order him not to tell them the story of the time he and my mother caught Sandro and me in the act. That was during the voluntary Vögel period.

Bruno laughs. SUPER STORY, he thinks. If only he could tell Sandro’s father between men. “Men celebrate that among themselves, honey,” he says. I look at him very angry.

“God, you’re not relaxed. Who do you think you got that from!?”

My mother is still with Herr Fischer and they still have nothing to say to each other.

Fortunately, the concert is about to start.

I take my parents to the back of the room. The fishermen come first.

Then Bruno goes to get drinks for my mom and me. We mean.

He buys a bottle of sparkling wine and joins the Fischers. He cheers and claps Sandro. It’s a wonder he doesn’t throw clothes on stage.

I don’t want to exist anymore.

Then Bruno gets my mother. They dance to Sandro’s music.

“Come too sweetheart”Bruno calls to me.

I stutter something out of the toilet and run away.

I hate that I don’t smoke anymore.

An hour later, two of them sit down en masse. They are Bruno and Sandro.

One mocks that he wants to marry me. The other embraces everything and everyone and says endlessly how nice it is that we are all one big family now.

At the end of the evening, when we are already home, our mobile phones light up. Sandro and I are now members of the group “Herz Family”. It was made logical by Bruno. We don’t yet know how he got Mr. and Mrs. Fischer’s numbers.

Once Filou, always stop Filou.

The next day Mrs. Fischer calls Sandro. She always does this after we meet her. Calling and criticizing with an undertone. This time it’s really thick: Mrs. Fischer is sure that Bruno hit her.

I’m about to hit back when Sandro stops me. “You want,” he says to her and laughs. I am confused. ‘Look, that would be the best thing that could have happened to her. To be hit by a man like your father.”

Bruno did not hit Mrs. Fischer at all. Bruno is like that. Bruno is love. I’m Team Bruno. Forever and ever. No matter how many moments of foreign embarrassment he gives me. Ms. Fischer’s appearance will always be more embarrassing in the end.

I love you And you too Sandro.

And you, Mrs. Fischer, Äxgüsi, can fuck me.

PS: The bonding sex with her son is just as awesome as the non-binding one!