From Mandatory Admission to Psychology Student: How Tabea Overcame Her Illness

An icy wind blows through the streets of St. Gallen. The last few patches of snow are scattered across the meadows, with a cloudy sky overhead. A gloomy day, also notes Tabea Bellini when she arrives at the meeting point with her dog Wiggle. For a walk in the woods she has put on a red down jacket and mustard yellow boots. She likes to attract attention with her style. As a teenager, she “hid” long enough.

She liked to keep her past in psychiatric hospitals a secret. The fear of being stigmatized was too great. Bellini is not an isolated case: according to the Federal Bureau of Statistics, nearly 20,000 young people between the ages of 10 and 24 had been treated inpatient for mental disorders in Switzerland in 2021. Significantly more than previous years. For women, the share has increased by 26 percent in one year.

Tabea Bellini was in the same situation. “Time in the clinics is part of me and has made me the person I am today,” she says. You now have a different perspective on what happened. On her way through the St.Gallen Hätterewald, the 25-year-old tells how it came about that she spent 19 months in a psychiatric clinic. But not in one go. But spread over four lodgings.

“My mental health issues have gripped me for the past ten years,” says Bellini. But everything started earlier. As a child she grew up protected at home, but was bullied at school. Looking back, she sees a girl whose daily life consisted of self-doubt and fear of loss, as well as the lunch she brought to school. The hated place.

She tried to adapt for a long time. To find her role in this world that left so many overwhelming impressions on her. Until everything became too much for her: “I had the first depressive phase in high school.” She still remembers exactly what she felt then. “A deep, black cloud that pushes you down. All the way down. Where it becomes difficult to get up again,” recalls Bellini.

The fear. bad thoughts And then she kept losing weight. “The disease took hold of me quickly.” At 14 she suffered from severe anorexia. Every day she was there less, she says. She was also the same young age when she survived her first suicide attempt. tablets. With this act, her long path of therapy began.

The 25-year-old interrupts her story to throw a branch in front of Wiggle. The mixed-breed dog she got from an animal shelter in Romania makes her smile. “My involuntary therapy dog,” she calls him. Bellini throws the stick a second time – this time a little further – and begins to talk about the day that changed so much.

“My parents first tried talk therapy for me. But I kept losing weight. 20 kilos in about two months,” says Bellini. She herself did not realize that she was seriously ill.

But her mother, who also struggled with an eating disorder as a teenager, urged her to do more. “In the end, we looked at a clinic for children and young people with mental illness,” she says.

Her parents would have tried to persuade her to volunteer for inpatient therapy. But that was out of the question for the teen. “When I refused, I was forcibly admitted by a doctor the next day,” Bellini says soberly today. At that moment she was furious.

The therapy lasted nine months to work on her mental and physical health. Anorexia, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, suspected emotionally unstable personality disorder, aspects of an anxious-avoidant personality disorder, and aspects of borderline personality disorder were diagnosed, but without certain key symptoms. “I had never heard of most of these diseases,” she recalls.

Bellini couldn’t do much with life in the clinic, she usually hid in her room. The kind of treatment didn’t make things any better for her either. “The motto was: arrive and go again. After I was released, I lost all the weight.” Thanks to regular follow-up by a psychotherapist and a doctor, she later “came almost to a normal weight”.

Back to normal life, Bellini had to redo a year of high school she missed because of the hospital stay. At the same time, the search for an internship was pending. “I was worried about whether I’d find anything on my resume at all,” she says. Fortunately that was not a problem, she found an internship as a librarian – information and documentation specialist. She still works in the same place today.

But at the age of 17, a few months before she started her internship, her psychological problems became more serious again. She survived a second suicide attempt, which again resulted in mandatory hospitalization – for a month. The fact that she recovered so quickly at the time also had to do with the fact that she found a good friend in the clinic. Bellini is now even her daughter’s godmother. “Friendships can be very healing,” she says.

After her release, the St.Gallen resident attended talk therapy once a week and began her training. “I had good and bad stages, but the stage was more important to me. I just wanted to do it,” she says. At the time, she tried to suppress her problems as much as possible. Before that, she had better and worse tactics.

Tabea Bellini sits down on a wooden bench in front of a lime tree and lights a cigarette. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, then exhales slowly as her eyes follow the rising smoke. Relaxation. Then she starts telling about her third hospital stay.

The final exams of the apprenticeship approached and Bellini put more and more pressure on himself. When she finally got her diploma in her hands, she felt relieved. Shortly afterwards school started again – vocational school two days a week. The rest of the time she worked in the training company.

It became increasingly difficult for Bellini to hide her depression. The “deep, black cloud” was there again. “I often called in sick at work and school, which was the easiest suppression tactic for me,” she says. Although staying home only made things worse. A downward spiral.

This time she decided on her own that she needed professional help. It so happened that at the age of 20 she entered a psychiatric hospital for the third time, but for the first time voluntarily – and in a new place. «The first clinic was not good for me. In the second I felt better off,” she says. The therapy, which she completed in April 2019, lasted almost six months.

Immediately afterwards, Bellini went back to work – part-time. She also went to a psychiatrist once a week. She had to start her baccalaureate again in the fall because she had missed too much.

“It went well after that until the corona pandemic came,” says Bellini. She was increasingly absent from work and school, the depression increased. “Luckily I have a great employer and a boss who can show me a lot of understanding,” she says. Her boss then approached her and assured her that she would support further inpatient therapy. “I’m very grateful for that to this day,” she says.

In March 2021, she entered a psychiatric hospital for the fourth time. The school management was also understanding – Bellini could skip the last semester and go straight to the final exams. “In addition to therapy, I learned and prepared myself in the clinic,” she says. Three months later, the now 23-year-old was able to go home. Soon after, she successfully completed her final degree and started working again.

Almost two years have passed since then. Bellini is doing better than ever in her life, as she says herself. “I have never been more stable and no longer have any symptoms. Still, I watch for warning signs because I’m aware that things could go downhill fast. But now I know how to deal with it.” She has gradually tapered off her talk therapy and is currently going once a month.

She is grateful. She never dreamed of getting this far. It is also important for her to emphasize the role her environment played in her recovery. “Thanks to my people I am here today, their love has carried me,” she says.

Tabea Bellini is now entering a new phase of life. “Now I have the strength for my future,” she says. In September she will study psychology at a university of applied sciences, she only recently received confirmation of her studies. If all goes well, she wants to become a psychotherapist, specializing in treating people with eating disorders and anorexia.

“I’ve been through it myself. That’s why I want to help others with it,” says Bellini. If it’s not for her, she’s just looking for a new dream – that’s what she learned after four stays in psychiatric clinics.