Trying to please everyone all the time is not good for our mental health. However, many cannot give up this insatiable desire for recognition. “The fear of displeasing others is deeply ingrained and has to do with the fact that we are social beings. We used to live in smaller communities, and it was important to get along and get along with everyone, because exclusion would be life-threatening at worst,” explains psychologist Ben Kneubühler (35).
From a psychological point of view, there are basic needs for attachment and self-esteem, among other things. When you feel included, have a sense of accomplishment, and look good in front of others, these needs are met. “Another reason for fear of not being able to please others may be past experiences, for example, with parents or other close caregivers,” adds Kneubühler.
Thoughts can hurt us
The need for love and attention can become a problem in unhealthy territory. “Probably the biggest harm is that we will never achieve the goal of pleasing everyone,” says Kneubühler. Accordingly, we experience an endless series of failures. “This alone brings with it a lot of stress and dissatisfaction. Also, thinking about others limits our own creativity and prevents us from fulfilling our own dreams and meeting our needs,” the psychologist continues. In the long run, this behavior will make you unhappy and, at worst, sick.
What can you do about it?
In order to stop trying to please everyone, it is necessary to realize that this is the cause of stress and dissatisfaction. “The next step will be to accept that it is human. Only then can you consciously decide whether you want to change your way of thinking,” advises the psychologist. Sometimes it can feel like choosing the lesser evil: I admit that someone doesn’t like me, but I get more freedom in return.
Ideally, you improve your self-esteem and treat yourself as you would like to be treated by others. When you’re satisfied inside, you don’t have to constantly look for love outside. You can also deal with rejection much better because you don’t base your love for yourself on the opinions of others.