In a toxic relationship, emotions always get on a roller coaster. Control addiction, disruption, and manipulation dominate the partnership. This type of destructive love is not uncommon. A new study by Parship shows that 27 percent of Swiss surveyed know someone who is or is in a toxic relationship. In addition, 24 percent of men and 31 percent of women state that they are in such a union.
According to research, three times more women than men are currently in a toxic relationship. However, the two genders define the term differently. “It’s about a personal assessment of relationship dynamics. My guess is that few men are familiar with the term toxic relationship because it’s been discussed in the media in posts aimed predominantly at a female audience,” explains couples therapist, single coach, and author Eric Hegmann (56).
Symptoms of a toxic relationship
There is no universal definition of a toxic relationship. “As a general rule of thumb, maybe we could say: If the relationship and partner make me more miserable than happy, then there is something wrong with the connection,” Hegmann says. If spouses cannot change anything in this dynamic and remain committed to the relationship despite being unhappy, they are in a toxic relationship, according to the expert.
Research shows that a happy relationship makes you happy, healthy and prolongs your lifespan. “On the other hand, a toxic relationship poisons all areas of life, can involve manipulation, emotional dependence, cause stress and irritability, and can also trigger depression,” explains Hegmann. Desperation, abuse of power, and violence are equally important indicators.
Is a toxic partner also a narcissist?
The narcissistic partner with the term toxic relationship is also featured a lot in the media. These two terms are often associated with each other. A narcissist is always toxic, but not everyone who is toxic is a narcissist by definition. “True narcissistic personality disorders are extremely rare, but there are many people with strong egoistic or narcissistic aspects,” explains Hegmann.
Are you saving the breakup or the relationship?
According to Hegmann, those affected should definitely name and set boundaries. “In many cases that create toxic relationships, both parties have noticed the problem, but they don’t change anything, even if the behavior is toxic and harmful,” says the expert. Sometimes the only permanent protection is separation. However, this decision can only be made by the partners themselves. Hegmann is sure: “Since this is not a question of diagnosis, the situation must be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. But a relationship in which partners suffer must definitely be changed.”
Large differences between spouses do not prevent a happy relationship, as long as they are perceived as complementary rather than threatening. Hegmann creates hope: “The relevant question partners should ask themselves is: do we want to save the relationship? If both are willing to change, there are effective tools in couples therapy that can support partners.» However, if a change is not possible, it is better to go separate ways. In such a situation, separation is the only way to pave the way for a happy relationship.
end a toxic relationship
In many cases, running away from a toxic relationship involves going through and overcoming a lot of pain. “Often there is an emotional addiction from which it is very difficult to get rid of oneself. Many of those affected initially doubt their own perceptions and look for the fault in themselves,” says Hegmann. Recognizing addiction is often more difficult than it seems to outsiders. According to the expert, the support of a therapist is very helpful – both for termination and separation, but also for processing and release.