Be grateful for the time you spend together: How do you grieve when your beloved pet dies?

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A pet is part of the family and a loyal friend. His death deeply affects all family members. Just like the reactions of those around you: You often hear the sentence “You don’t need to be so upset, it was just a dog.”

So why should one be allowed to grieve less for a beloved pet than for a lost human? Who told us that we shouldn’t grieve for a long time when we lose a dog? Esther Sager confirmed to me in an interview: “Animal suffering is a taboo subject that unfortunately creates problems for many animal owners in our society.” He is head of customer services at the animal crematorium Seon AG and Dübendorf ZH. For several years, the Lucerne native operated a hotline that mourners who lost their pets could call.

“Every tear is a declaration of love”

Sager replayed the same experience over and over when giving advice: “Pet owners who resist grief for too long will only prolong the grieving process.” That’s why it’s important to just be sorry and let everything happen.

Grief also includes tears that should not be held back. I remember one time a woman called and apologized for crying on the phone. Then suddenly this came to my lips: “Every tear shed is a declaration of love.” Then he cried even more. He later told me that crying suddenly felt different because of my words. Today Sager’s quote is considered a kind of crematorium slogan.

Find comfort in other pet owners

Grieving people often struggle with feelings of guilt. If someone is struggling with overwhelmingly strong feelings of guilt, Sager recommends: “It may help to write a letter to the deceased animal in which you write down everything that’s bothering you and ask your friend for forgiveness.” Of course, this letter cannot be sent by mail, but it can be burned, for example, during a ritual.

Another consolation may be to ask other pet owners for help. Expecting understanding from people who don’t have pets often doesn’t end well. “Mourners often feel disappointed when they express their grief,” says Sager.

If there are other animals in the family, they can be incredibly comforting. “Sometimes the animals there sense that their owner is upset. “They support those who are suffering because daily rituals continue and there is someone else to worry about.”

Mourners can also find help on the crematorium’s website, which has a “Memories” section. Owners can tell their stories there. “People with similar experiences found each other and realized they were not alone.”

Explain clearly and honestly to the child what will happen

It is especially important to properly support children in their pain. It is not a good idea to hide the pet’s death from the child and claim that the cat has run away, says Sager: “Whether you are a child or an adult, you should always be honest. If you notice that the animal is not feeling very well anymore, you should explain to the children that it is sick. And above all, the little ones Prepare for the fact that you may have to help the pet die.

But it is better not to use the word “put to sleep”. Children may mistakenly associate this with normal sleep. If little ones see their four-legged friends falling asleep and not waking up, they too will be afraid to go to bed at night. It is better to tell the truth: “You are helping the animal die.”

Christine Kuhn, owner of the small animal practice in Mühlebach, sees it this way: “Children really love animals and do not want them to suffer unnecessarily.” If you are honest with them and clearly explain that they are old or in pain, then little ones will usually have a good understanding.

The veterinarian says that children should definitely have the opportunity to say goodbye to their friends. “You should definitely not hide what happened from children,” Kuhn explains.

Let the animal go in time

So how do you, as an owner, feel when it’s time to let the animal go? “If the quality of life has decreased, it is a sign that the time has come. Even if the animal no longer performs the usual rituals with the loved one (such as greeting him at the door), the animal’s life is ending. However, according to Kuhn, such symptoms always vary from person to person and manifest themselves differently in each animal.

One thing is especially important: “You shouldn’t be selfish and postpone things unnecessarily,” says Kuhn. As an owner, you must be aware of your responsibility and protect the animal from unnecessary suffering. “A dog owner once said: ‘In a week I’ll be as sad as I am today.’ “It is better to let the animal go a day early than to delay suffering another hour.”

It’s always difficult. As Kuhn explains, each person deals with this situation differently. “Many people bring the animal’s favorite blanket or toy. Others light a candle or play music. The important thing is that you say goodbye in time and thank the animal for the time you spent together.”

Children should be allowed to be with them when they are put to sleep.

Seon and the customer service manager of the Dübendorf animal crematorium say that if little ones want to be there when the final injection is given, they should be allowed to do so. Esther Sager says: “Parents need to be able to support their children at a time like this. The big ones are so strong that the little ones shouldn’t have to be stronger than them.

Experiencing moments of pain together brings us together. And if parents cry in front of their children, that’s not a bad thing. “It’s bad when parents tell the child: ‘There’s no need to be sad. You’ll have a new little bunny.” Sager thinks it’s important that the child and his parents can still be upset. “Because the animal was a good friend and a loyal companion.”

The four stages of grief

Someone who loses a pet goes through four typical stages of grief, which Verena Kast knows from her psychology (“Mourning: Stages and Opportunities of the Psychological Process”, Publisher Herder).

Stage 1: Not wanting to believe it

“People often get stuck in a stage of denial in the beginning,” the 49-year-old actor explains. In this case, those affected do not want to believe that their animals are dead and will not return. They think the animal is still alive.

Stage 2: Emerging emotions

During this stage, owners often struggle with anger. “Guilt feelings often arise here. Anger, rage, fear and despair also belong to this stage,” says Sager. You look for someone to blame for the animal’s death, such as the driver or veterinarian, or you blame yourself for the death. You ask yourself: Why did I let the cat out? This situation puts even more strain on those who are already grieving. These explosive emotions may come and go. Sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker.

Stage 3: Search and sorting

“Right now, people have a strong need to talk about the deceased,” explains Sager. Mourners can then tell the same stories about the animal over and over again. At this stage, they want to be very close to their deceased friends. “Our sensory channels also like to play tricks on us. This means you think you can hear the cat door at night, for example.” Being able to leave again is important, according to the expert.

Stage 4: New relationship with self and the world

If the mourners are ready to say that the ground is under their feet again, they have reached the fourth stage of mourning. If a person is no longer controlled solely by grief, a new relationship with oneself and the world can emerge. “Then people are ready to move on,” Sager says.

Source : Blick