Love and Limerence: When the butterflies in your stomach turn into danger

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Most people have felt the proverbial butterflies in their stomachs at some point. On the one hand, they can be a sign of the excitement we feel when we’re attracted to someone. But they can also be a signal that the body is not feeling well; for example, if there is insecurity or jealousy. Because for some, falling in love is the most beautiful thing they can imagine. But it is also one of the most complex phenomena of being human. Because if it is left unrequited, it poses the danger of calcification.

What is limerence?

This is a state of intense infatuation that can lead to obsessive behavior. Often the entire existence revolves around the desirer responding to one’s own feelings. The person is often perceived as perfect. The term limitation comes from psychologist Dorothy Tennov’s 1979 book “Love and Limitation: The Experience of Falling in Love.” She described limitation in three stages: the idealization stage, the uncertainty stage, and the disappointment stage.

So what exactly is the difference between love and limerence? Psychologist Dr. According to Giulia Poerio, Limerenz is characterized above all by extreme intensity, an emotional rollercoaster that oscillates between enthusiasm and despair. “Any sign of rejection can put you in a bad spot, and any sign of interest can drive you crazy,” she told the New York Times. It’s an endless game of thoughts, “He loves me, he doesn’t love me.”

When does arthritis become a danger?

The big problem: Those who suffer from limitation often make their self-worth dependent on the other person who is unaware they even exist. Dr. Poerio could be a friend, colleague, even a stranger, or a short-lived love affair that doesn’t seem to be resolved. It’s especially bad when the other person continues to string the limiting person along. Limerenz enjoys replaying memories and small moments over and over in your head and rehearsing possible future meetings.

This situation may even last for years. Neuroscientist Dr. Judson Brewer even talks about an “addiction.” “They get stuck in fantasies about the future and regrets about the past,” he explains to the New York Times. Anticipation causes the release of dopamine in the body, and the body perceives this as a reward.

Dr. The vast majority of people experience some form of arthritis in their lives, Poerio said. The problem occurs when there is a loss of control and a person’s ability to form meaningful relationships in the real world is compromised by maintaining a relationship that does not exist in their mind.

Overcoming the obsession spiral

Coping with limitation can be difficult, but there are strategies that can help those affected. First of all, it helps you realize and accept that you have arthritis. The first step should be to completely cut off contact with the “object of desire” and avoid situations and triggers that can intensify emotions.

Self-care is then important: those affected should make time for activities that will enhance their well-being, such as sports, creative hobbies or spending time with family and friends. Or turn the energy associated with limitation into productivity, such as pursuing personal goals. It can also help you share your feelings, whether in your personal setting or with a therapist. (in place)

Source : Blick