Developmental psychologist regarding the second half of life: “It is important to determine the route early”

From where?
The age group over 60 is very different. People young and old, the baby boomer generation, are mostly fit and do a lot for their families and society. Major health restrictions begin only in old age, that is, from 80 onwards.

How can you get through the second half of your life with strength and determination?
It is important to determine the route early. This is even easier at 40 or 45 than at 70. Well-being in the middle of your life says a lot about well-being in old age. Although we have the potential to improve throughout our lives, it becomes harder to adapt as we get older. One thing is particularly important.

What?
We can influence our lives, and therefore our aging, much more than we realize. Some things are determined by our environment, our health and our genes. But we are not at the mercy of fate. Research shows that 60 percent is in our hands. Important for this are strong character traits such as openness to new things, personal responsibility and proactive attitude.

In your new book, you emphasize that turmoil and changes in life are especially important. From where?
Life transitions are times of change. For example, the middle of life, between the ages of 45 and 55, is an age when many changes occur: menopause, children moving, parents becoming increasingly destitute and dying, too much responsibility at work, and increasing competition from boys. These upheavals are challenges and sometimes crises. They are also an opportunity.

This sounds trite.
It may even sound sarcastic to some ears, but that’s the way it is. Research impressively shows that resilience, that is, psychological resistance, can only emerge by experiencing resistance. We only realize our strengths when we reach our limits. As we get older, we learn, become more resilient and calmer in the face of crises. Crises give us the opportunity for personal growth.

However, it is often said that as we get older, we mostly regret the things we didn’t do.
This does not apply to the majority. As you get older, you feel the need to make peace with your own life story and make your life a meaningful whole. French singer Edith Piaf sang in 1960: “Je ne regret!” I don’t regret anything! This doesn’t mean we sugarcoat our lives; rather, it is a proven coping strategy.

So why do some people get crankier as they get older?
Anyone who complains about missed opportunities and unforeseen changes is unforgiving and denies responsibility. Of course, the previous boss may have been unfair, your own children may have been ungrateful, and breaking up with your long-term partner may have been traumatic. However, these interruptions are always an opportunity to take stock of one’s own life, reflect on it, and create a new interpretation. This often results in a positive outlook towards the future; or even a plan B, which may turn out to be better than the original plan A.

What makes us perceive life transitions as opportunities rather than crises?
First of all, character strengths such as willingness to change, hope, social skills and personal responsibility. For example, people who cannot let go of work and cannot unilaterally define themselves through their careers often have difficulty retiring. Or: Someone who is desperately trying to stay young and defines themselves by their appearance and performance is making aging unnecessarily difficult for themselves. Burying your head in the sand and ignoring changes almost always leads to revenge. The consequences are dissatisfaction with yourself and the world. That’s why it’s important to position yourself broadly early and stay open. This helps maintain a sense of self-efficacy, the feeling that you can make a difference no matter the circumstances.