When love makes you sick: Recognize toxic relationships and treat them right

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In a toxic relationship, emotions are constantly up and down. The relationship is dominated by control addiction, distortion and manipulation. This type of destructive love is not uncommon. A new study by Parship shows that 27 percent of Swiss respondents know someone who is or has been in a toxic relationship. Additionally, 24 percent of men and 31 percent of women stated that they were also in such a relationship.

According to research, three times more women than men are currently in a toxic relationship. The two genders likely define the term differently. “This is initially about a personal assessment of relationship dynamics. My guess is that very few men know the term toxic relationship because it is discussed in the media, mostly in publications aimed at the female target group,” explains couples therapist, singles coach and author Eric Hegmann (57).

Signs of a toxic relationship

There is no universal definition of a toxic relationship. “As a general rule of thumb, if the relationship and my partner are making me unhappy more than they are making me happy, there’s something wrong with that connection,” says Hegmann. If partners cannot change this dynamic and continue the relationship even though they are unhappy, according to the expert, they are experiencing a toxic relationship.

According to research, a happy relationship makes people happy, healthy and increases life expectancy. “A toxic relationship, on the other hand, poisons all areas of life, can include manipulation, emotional dependence, cause stress and irritability, and can also trigger depression,” Hegmann explains. Desperation, abuse of power and violence are also important identifying signs.

Is a toxic partner also a narcissist?

Along with the concept of toxic relationship, narcissistic partner also appears in the media a lot. These two terms are often associated together. A narcissist is always toxic, but not everyone who is toxic is a narcissist by definition. “True narcissistic personality disorders are quite rare, but there are certainly many people who have strong egoistic or narcissistic sides,” Hegmann explains.

Do you want to salvage a breakup or relationship?

According to Hegmann, those affected must name names and set boundaries. “In many situations that create toxic relationships, both partners become aware of the problem, but they do not change anything, even though the behavior is toxic and harmful,” says the expert. Sometimes the only permanent protection is separation. However, only the partners themselves can make this decision. Hegmann is sure: “Since this is not a diagnosis, the situation needs to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. However, a relationship in which partners have difficulties must change.”

Major differences between partners are not an obstacle to a happy relationship, as long as they are perceived as complements and not as threats. Hegmann creates hope: “The question partners need to ask themselves is: Do we want to save the relationship? “There are effective tools in couples therapy that can support partners if both are willing to change.” But if change is not possible, it is better to go your own ways. In such a situation, the only way to pave the way for a happy relationship is separation.

End the toxic relationship

In most cases, escaping a toxic relationship requires a lot of suffering and overcoming. “Often there is an emotional addiction, from which it is very difficult to get rid of. Many of those affected initially doubt their own perceptions and look for fault in themselves,” says Hegmann. Recognizing the addiction is often more difficult than it seems to outsiders. According to the expert, the support of a therapist is very useful; both to end it and also to separate, but also to process and release.

Source : Blick