Christmas: why it’s so hard to find the perfect gift for your partner

What gift is suitable for Christmas for someone you love? A difficult question that is once again causing headaches for many Germans during Advent this year. Especially in romantic relationships, there is a great desire to find the perfect gift that will bring tears of joy to the other person’s eyes.

But as everyone knows, it’s not easy. The ultimate gift should not be so brief that it seems loveless (cup). Not so big that it scares the other person (safari holiday). Not so pointless that it collects dust (Santa hat). Not so practical that it seems unromantic (handheld vacuum cleaner).

Why is gift giving in a relationship so difficult? And how can you make it better? Watson spoke about this with Vera Matt. She is a relationship therapist and has a psychotherapeutic practice in Brandenburg.

“Gifts are always thin ice,” says Vera Matt. This is because we often value Christmas gifts beyond the actual item. The gift is intended to show that we know the other person, listen to him and want to do something good.

“If a gift is not well received, seems inappropriate or thoughtless, you quickly assume that your partner is simply not interested in who you really are. And this lack of appreciation is painful», says the therapist. She says mistakes can happen to anyone.

But how can you avoid a long face under the Christmas tree? As is often the case, communication is the key word here. «First of all, we need to figure out: what kind of givers are we? It helps to talk about it openly with your partner,” says Vera Matt, because people are very different. She explains:

Moreover, people have very different ideas about what exactly a valuable gift is. For some, what counts most is creativity, or “the amount of time the partner spent on the gift,” says Vera Matt. For example, a self-read audiobook for the daily commute would be an advantage.

For others, it is important that the gift actually costs something. “For some, the material value says something about the place you have in your heart,” says Vera Matt.

And then there are “people who have a very clear idea of ​​what they want and would just be annoyed if things turned out differently,” the therapist explains. “Maybe just stick with the link sent to you.”

Although, as she notes, even then there is no guarantee of joy. “I’ve seen people get exactly what they wanted and still be offended because the other person didn’t think about it and took away the surprise,” she says. “You see that finding the perfect gift is extremely complicated; you have to know your partner very well. It’s not just about the object itself, but also about everything behind it -»

In short, when giving gifts, it helps if you give your partner your full attention at least occasionally during the other 364 days. «If anyone has listened to me in the past year, they know that I have been flirting with the overpriced curling iron for a long time, but I would never begrudge it myself. Or that I keep pressing my nose against the window of this one store,” says Vera Matt. “These are such small wishes that not everyone knows, but only someone who listens to me in everyday life, who sees me.”

Anyone who has not only observed these dormant wishes throughout the year, but also fulfilled them at Christmas, “will almost certainly score a hit,” says Vera. “Because he doesn’t just say: ‘Here, that’s what you wanted.’ But also: ‘Look, I know you and love you.'”

Sometimes the result is a gift that the other person can’t even remember wanting, but which makes them even happier. Vera Matt clearly says that there is never a guarantee that you won’t be wrong. But the chances of a successful gift increase if you “listen carefully, listen intently, and pay attention to your partner.” Affections that are always well received in love, even outside of Christmas Eve.