Couples therapist offers tips: Have you considered separate bedrooms?

According to Disler, word choice plays a big role if, for example, one person in a relationship wants to suggest separate beds because their partner snores. He recommends creating non-accusatory I-clauses. For example: “I need deep sleep to have energy and be fit.” This was received much better than accusations like “I can’t sleep because of you.”

Maintaining physical closeness despite separate beds is crucial, Disler says. When touched, the body releases bonding hormones such as oxytocin, which strengthens the relationship. Incorporating small intimacy rituals into daily life is often sufficient. The sofa can be a place to cuddle, or you can lie in bed with your partner before falling asleep on your own. According to the expert, it is important to focus on the possibilities that arise from separate bedrooms and the aspects that are eliminated as a result. “You can view divorce as an opportunity to reimagine the relationship.”

Physical distance at night doesn’t make partners feel less attracted to each other, Disler says. Sometimes the opposite is even true. “Sex can become more passionate.” Because the desire for each other often increases as the distance increases. The new sleep state can also revitalize the relationship because it brings with it the attraction of the unfamiliar. “Seducing your partner in his room in the evening can be exciting.”

Disler says a sleep divorce should be satisfactory for both partners. “If a person is unhappy, you have to look for a new solution.” For example, you sleep separately every other night, or you determine the phases in which you sleep in the same bed and go through them separately. According to the expert, conflicts are always the wrong prerequisite for separate bedrooms. “If you try to avoid each other, emotional distance can increase and jeopardize the relationship,” she says.