International Childhood Cancer Month: Parents of children with cancer are grateful for the help

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Shana Celi, what challenges do parents of children with cancer face?
The child’s illness affects every aspect of the parents’ lives. They have to break away from their daily and working lives and reorient themselves. In addition to worrying about the health of her sick child, she is often involved in the care of her siblings. This is about emotional issues, but it’s also about practical questions: Who takes care of the siblings while you’re in the hospital with the sick child? How do you inform the school, employer and friends?

What are the biggest emotional challenges?
Parents find themselves in a zone of tension: On the one hand, they are afraid for their children, and on the other hand, they want to exude security and stay positive.

How do you support parents in this regard?
This is very individual. It’s about creating direction, organizing organizational issues, and conveying strategies to overcome fears and focus on what can be controlled. We, psychologists, try to support parents so that they can act in this stressful situation. We also help provide children with information about their illnesses and the necessary treatment.

How did you do this?
For example, using picture books or role-playing games. Then we discuss the questions that the children have in mind. Some want to know exactly what is happening in the body, others are interested in specific questions related to daily life. For example, it may be whether they can continue school, go to scouts or attend a school camp. There are also fears, especially in older children, about the effects of the disease and treatment on their lives and appearance. But it’s also important to discuss with parents how they can recharge their batteries themselves.

For example?
Many times they basically know what is good for them, but due to stress they temporarily lose touch with it. We see if they can maintain or reactivate things despite the difficult situation. Some people find it good to go for a walk or distract themselves, while others devote themselves to creative projects or play sports. What is right is what feels right to those affected.

How can family and friends help parents?
Every family is different. It is important not to assume your own needs. You need to move away from the idea of ​​how you will react if your child gets seriously ill – you just don’t know. Therefore, it is advisable to be open to the needs of parents and not to hold back out of concern that you are doing something wrong.

What do you want to say?
Some people may be hesitant to talk directly to their parents about their situation. It will be important to ask them: What do you need? Parents often don’t know the answer right away. Then you can make a concrete offer. For example, going shopping, cooking or traveling for the family. I know a family who was allowed to give their laundry to friends. Practical things like this make daily life easier. Another idea is to leave flowers on the doorstep to show that your thoughts are with your family.

What is less useful?
Giving tips and advice to parents. This is certainly well-intentioned, but it can have a disturbing effect. Parents are already under a lot of pressure and often do not have the capacity to deal with more information.

How should affected families be approached?
We hear from many families that a good mix of compassion and positive attitude is helpful. Being open and nonjudgmental to family members might mean acknowledging that your sibling doesn’t want to talk about stressful things over lunch, for example. Instead, you can talk to him about his wishes for his next birthday. Most families appreciate that their relatives offer them daily opportunities to have carefree moments and laugh together. It is also important to know that tension and stress on parents remain high after the end of oncological treatment. Often only then does fatigue from the efforts of the last few months set in. Additionally, fear of a possible recurrence may develop. It is often easier for children to put their experiences behind them.

Source : Blick