Anyway, women don’t like assholes

Yesterday a video came out of me gleefully (and quite drunkenly) complaining about dating in our generation. Here:

The video made many people want to join the discussion. Or even the desire to make fun of me.

Somehow I find it understandable, I’m just an internet aunt forcing her opinion on you. That’s why I’m going to do it again, because I have to explain it. Or maybe just a big ego that wants to justify itself, who knows. Here’s an overview of my thoughts:

I feel the greatest need for an explanation when I say that many people communicate that they do not want a relationship, but then enter into a very intimate relationship anyway. When one party falls in love, you come up with the excuse: “I told you I don’t want a relationship.”

Many people had this opinion:

And yes, I totally see this point too. Ultimately, you have a personal responsibility. This has never happened to me because I don’t date anyone who doesn’t want a relationship. I didn’t make that clear enough in the video.

BUT: The important point is that what is being said here is: ‘I want it straight away not a relationship.” This gives many people hope that this can change. If you are just great enough and can prove to the other person that you are worth committing to, then you will be fine.

Is that a healthy attitude? No not at all. Nevertheless, it is very human that such hope arises. Especially if you are young and may not yet have a master’s degree in self-love.

In addition, there are of course cases in which it was communicated that you did not want a relationship, but it still worked out. Exhibition A:

And that is also human. Feelings change, can increase or decrease. It is all the more important that both parties continuously communicate where they stand emotionally. Especially if you decide not to be in a relationship, but still have sex.

So I stand by my opinion: “I told you I don’t want a relationship” is a cheap excuse, as you do not underline these words with your actions. So please no love messages, no introductions to parents or other Pärli routines. You can’t have the Foifi and the Weggli. If you don’t want a relationship and still want closeness, that’s what you should do again and again be communicated. It’s better to have more than too little.

I don’t think I’ve ever tried so hard in a video – even with all my heart – to make sure no one feels directly attacked. In the video I was specifically talking about “people” and not men when making accusations. Although of course I have had such experiences mainly with men. I even instructed Emily to add the sentence, “I can only speak from a woman’s perspective. Maybe women are just as bad.”

And yet never have so many men felt attacked by me as in this video.

On the one hand, I understand because the flower probably made it clear that I was talking about the male gender. But like I said, I only date men and yes, I have had very bad experiences with it.

But in no way did I say that women are better at that action. But that’s not the point. I didn’t mean to say that men are all bad and women are angels. But that we all still have a lot to learn when it comes to relationships and that we can all be a little more careful with each other while dating.

Speaking of ‘bad men, nice women’:

I think if you’re hurt multiple times by the same gender, it’s normal that at some point you’ll develop some skepticism toward that gender. For me it was just the men. I could tell stories about guys that my male friends also describe as “immature idiots.” I don’t think anyone would want to read this. Or should I become a blogger? My name could be Emma Ohneamour.

Anyway. The interesting thing is now mentioned in this comment:

I totally agree!

Yes, I have to ask myself why I’ve been chasing a man for five years. Yes, I have to ask myself why I keep choosing men who hurt me. Believe me, I do that enough! But not in a drunken state in a video format that is about complaining. I’m not self-reflective there and I don’t want to be.

Another popular comment said that many people don’t commit because they have FOMO. So Fear of missing out.

Social media and especially dating platforms certainly give you the feeling that there is always someone better. But I want to emphasize something else.

I truly believe that when you truly fall in love, you don’t care if there is someone better. At least in the initial phase. When you’re in love, you don’t want anyone better, you just want that one person. That’s why I think everything should be easy in the initial phase. But because that is often not the case, I wonder: have so many people never really been in love?

Probably. I think there are different types of people (keyword: Fastening styles): those who fall in love too quickly. And people who don’t fall in love at all or only rarely. I belong to the first kind. And then many of the first kind meet people of the second kind, and pop you have the salad.

A note I massively What I read under the video was: “You women only like attractive assholes. Normal men would carry you in their arms, but you don’t even look at them with your ass.”

That’s the only statement I don’t understand. Because it’s clear and simple not true.

Before you start throwing studies at me, let me finish: Women don’t like assholes. They like qualities that assholes often possess. But ‘normal’ men can have these too.

Example: self-confidence.

Yes, self-confidence is very attractive. And yes, men who are considered attractive often exude more self-confidence. That’s unfair, but that’s just the way the world is. But it is wrong to say that only attractive men have self-confidence.

Self-confidence doesn’t just come from appearance. But also about the skills you have. Someone who engages in self-reflection because he or she has worked with himself or herself in therapy can be just as attractive or more attractive than someone who simply looks good.

So everyone can become more confident and acquire additional qualities that make them more attractive. Otherwise, all normal men would be single, all attractive men would be assholes, and all women would be superficial aunts for whom only appearance mattered. And that is certainly not the case! Because even ugly men can be assholes, attractive men can also have a good heart and personally I would find a stupid handsome guy too boring after the first conversation. Appearance does not determine character.

But why is this phrase still so popular? Because it’s an excuse! It’s much easier to blame others and whine, “I can’t get a woman because they all like assholes and I’m just not an asshole” than it is to take a second look at yourself and realize that maybe you still have a lot of have. of the work to be done.

So if you’re a guy who feels like women just don’t like you because they like assholes, it’s time you take a closer look at your bruised ego. You certainly have a lot to offer and you don’t have to be an asshole to do it!