“I love you”: why men express their feelings much faster than women

The three magic words “I love you” come up at some point in most relationships. An international study by the University of Abertey in Dundee, Ireland has now confirmed that women like to take the time for this.

As the study explains, it takes men an average of 108 days to express their feelings. Women, on the other hand, wait 15 days longer to confess their love and it takes an average of 123 days in a relationship to say ‘I love you’ for the first time.

The research took place in a total of seven countries: Great Britain, Poland, France, Australia, Chile, Colombia and Brazil. In all but one country, it was confirmed that men generally say the first thing: I love you. The exception is France. The male love effect is most pronounced in Chile, Brazil and Poland.

Also interesting: not both sexes report the first ‘I love you’ in the same way. According to women, the man much more often confesses his love first. Men report that this difference is less pronounced in the study.

The study also looked at when the sexes first contemplate confessing their love. The same picture emerges here as with the confessions. On average, men take just under 70 days to think about pronouncing the three meaningful words for the first time. Women take about 77 days to even think about professing their love.

On the other hand, women seem to be slightly happier than men when their partner reveals their feelings to them. On a happiness scale of one to 100, women ranked close to an 89, while men averaged barely an 87. How meaningful such a self-assessment is, especially with such a small difference, remains to be seen.

In addition, the researchers wanted to analyze whether and how the personal way of managing a relationship influences the analyzed parameters. Using a short questionnaire, the study participants were divided into three different attachment types: avoidant, secure, and anxious attachment types.

As the name suggests, the anxious attachment type tends to be more cautious. It usually takes longer for him or her to describe a relationship as confidential, but the fear of loss is also greater. When an anxious relationship type hears “I love you” for the first time, they are all the happier.

The opposite is the avoidant relationship type. It takes him less time to experience a relationship as close and intimate. This type of attachment is more common in men than in women. The response to the partner’s first “I love you” is usually less euphoric.

The avoidant and anxious attachment types are grouped under the general term insecure attachment type. On the other hand, there is the secure or “normal” attachment type.

Despite the same attachment types, the sexes behave differently. Men with an insecure attachment type, whether fearful or avoidant, tend to be more likely to declare their love.

In the anxious attachment type, the fear of loss predominates and the man tries to strengthen the relationship by saying “I love you” and so allay his fears.

In contrast, a man with an avoidant attachment type expresses his love more quickly, causing intimacy in a relationship to escalate. The reasons are different, the result is the same.

In this case, the situation is different for women. A woman with an anxious attachment type will take longer to express her love. According to the research, women are generally more careful than men. The avoidant attachment type in women does not seem to have a specific influence on the timing of the confession of love.